Where Tear Drops Fall
by Namilaa
Summary: Kairi cuts herself. She's now in rehab, and has been there for three months, fourteen days, sixteen hours, and no end in sight. She refuses to talk...only until a new boy comes and changes everything ..SORAKAIRI..
1. xxChapter 1: Prologue

_**Hey all. Yup, another story. My other story? Still working on fixing up chapter two, and then post chapter three which I already have ready.****nodsnods That chapter is causing problems...blah. I'm sick, too, and the last thing I wanna do is fix it. BUT I WILL. Just give me a while...x.X;**_

_** ((yes, in this story, Kairi is emo again. Yayy...i love it when Kairi's emo.)) **_

_** Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters...if I did...wouldn't that rock?**_

11/7/2010: REWRITE:

hey guys. just editing some of these old chapters. i decided to keep my old annotations, not matter how lame they actually are. :S. ah well. it WAS two years ago that i started this...anyway. im going chapter by chapter. if you want to review, please feel free. these early chapter SUCK. well. at least to me. man, has my writing changed!

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**-**Where Tear Drops Fall-

-1-

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I remember the first day I started.

I remember I was in my bathroom, taking a cold shower in my school clothes. I remember how much I cried as the water beat down on my soaked outfit. I lay curled in a ball on the floor of the tiled shower. The glass around me was foggy, and I was unconsciously making traveling hand prints down the translucent glass.

I remember I was choking on the myriad of droplets of water that were falling from the brass showerhead. This was probably due to the jagged hiccups and sniffs that were forcing their way out of my body. I was trembling uncontrollably, like everything was breaking away.

Hot tears leaked out of my eyes and collaborated with the cold liquid that fell on my face. My hair was plastered vexingly, covering my already foggy sight.

The tiles were slippery, and the more I tried to muster enough strength to raise my self up, the more my arms slipped and buckled beneath me. I remember I would let out a screech whenever I fell on the hard floor again, and then exploded in more screaming sobs and bulleting tears.

I remember that as my blood-shot eyes slowly lay on the blue razor, the cold water suddenly began to sting again.

I crawled towards it, having trouble staying up on my knees from my intense shaking and bursts of sobs. I remember how I finally reached it, and stumbled when it slipped from my hands. For a brief moment I wondered whether I was being dramatic. I should have been telling myself I could get though it. That there were other ways. But my fingers were acting on their own accord. I was a powerless puppet dangling from the strings of insanity and heartache.

I picked it back up and leveled it with my eye. I tried to appease my sobs as I turned the cheap, plastic razor in my hand; the metal blade giving off a shiny luster. I finally sat against the wall, hardly noticing how wet my clothes clung, or how my toes tingled from cold. I tried to wipe away the water from my wrist and face and realized it made no difference either way. Still shaking, I held the razor in my right hand, and placed it on side of my wrist. I bit my lip; I used to do that a lot.

I remember how blank my mind was, like I was a robot. It seemed like it wasn't me who was doing this to myself, but like I was watching from afar.

And I had no control.

I pressed it against my tender skin, and slowly slid it across the side of my wrist. There was a piercing pain, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the blood that was seeping out of the surface of the wound, and then traveling down my arm, almost like the water itself. I liked the sight of my blood silently gushing out of my detriment…it was almost hypnotizing.

And I was almost scared. But once again, it seemed like it was out of my control…

I remember feeling a sudden wave of relief wash through my body, making me completely forget about the pain. I remember it felt so good, like an ultimate high that released all of my stress, all of my sadness…and drained it all away.

And all of my emotions went with it.

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My violet eyes shot open as the morning bell echoed through the building; signifying first period breakfast was in half an hour. My eyes rolled around the dark room from under my quilt and sheets of auburn hair in exhaustion. My lips formed a straight line as I sat up in my bed, sheets pooling around my body.

My mind quickly flashed to the dream I had last night, making me want to feel that pleasure once more. I shook my head, trying to get rid of that intense want…just like I did every morning. I quietly cleared my throat.

It was the end of the month; meaning new patients were joining The Center.

The Center was really called "Destiny Rehabilitation for Troubled Boys and Girls", but "The Center" is easier to say. And by "troubled", they meant anorexics, druggies, bulimics, slashers, and depressed and anger management-ed teens.

Most of us, like me, were sent here against their will, while others come here on their own to seek guidance.

The Center had always been claimed to be one of the best rehabs in the country, and that's why some new recourse kids come and go during the turn of the month. Meaning, the current patients were expected to be at their 'best'.

Yeah right, like I give a fuck.

My eyes shot to the bed next to mine, where my roommate was groaning in her pillow.

Her name was Namine, and she was an anorexic patient here. (Like almost every other girl here…) But I never really talked to her. I never talked to anyone. I only talked when I needed to, and usually only in one or two words.

"I hate the turn of the month." I heard Namine growl into the bed, making it very hard to make out. "Don't you?"

I didn't know why she was asking me. We both knew I wasn't going to answer.

She just sighed and slowly made it out of her bed. She dragged her bare feet and wobbly ankles until she made it to the door, flipped the light switch on, and sluggishly made it to her wardrobe. I squinted my eyes in the light as the room finally focused to my sight.

I didn't particularly enjoy the milieu of the room; it was rather bland and un-ornate. There were two identical twin beds against opposite walls of the room, two plastic wardrobes, one small desk, and hardly any walking space. It almost seemed like a cubicle. There were no decorations allowed. This was because the owners didn't want anything to promote any 'unnecessary' behavior. There weren't even locks on the doors. Not to mention there were snoopy attendants guarding all of the hallways.

Whatever.

I grudgingly got out of bed and made my way toward my wardrobe, almost tripping on yesterday's shoes. I growled inwardly, and pulled a drawer with much force. It finally opened, no thanks to all of my un-kept clothes, which made it difficult to open and close.

I glanced over my shoulder at Namine, who was holding up two spotless outfits and leveling them to her face, deciding which to neatly fold away, and which to wear.

"Hey Kairi, what do you think about this one? Does it make me look fat?" Namine asked, half smiling and holding up the two Size 0's so I could see them.

Seriously, there was no way that girl could look fat. It looked like she was already petite and thin before she became anorexic.

So I just turned back around to my own wardrobe, trying to find a clean outfit. I heard a sigh from the girl.

"Hmmm…okay then. I pick…" she trailed off, obviously trying to decide which on to wear. "I choose this one!"

I looked over my shoulder again to see which one she chose. It was obviously white, just like all of her clothing. She claimed that white made her look thinner than black did. We turned our backs to each other as we slowly began to dress, not bothering to make the other promise not too look, we already went through this process every morning.

After we both were dressed, we walked out of the door, along with a bunch of other people. I always thought it was weird how the boys and girls dorms were mixed. You would think they would separate us like they do everywhere else. Regardless. I tried not to let details like these vex me too completely. I tended to over-think.

"Hey guys!" a familiar girl squeaked behind us. We didn't bother to look back.

"Hey Selphie." Namine replied tiredly, lacking any emotion. We both knew how excited Selphie got during the turn of the month.

Selphie was bulimic. It hardly showed though, she's been here for four months and was going to 'graduate' soon. This means she was going to leave us at the next turn of the month. I've been here for two months, and nobody seems to see any sign of recovery. Probably because I always refuse to talk in Therapy and one-on-one psychotherapy whenever I was assigned. They decided it wasn't worth it, and canceled the one-on-ones. So at least I don't have to deal with that anymore…

I'm not sure if that has ever occurred before. I didn't really pay attention, but sometimes I got the notion that I was some sort of legend here at the Center. People were generally scared of me. I didn't think I was that scary. But then again I wouldn't rather it any other way. I even get this notion from the attendants. Sometimes I hear them whisper about me when I walk by.

"Why aren't you guys EXCITED?" she questioned, with wide green eyes shining. She jumped in between us and rested her elbows on our shoulders. Namine rolled her eyes and I bit the inside of my cheek to showcase my boredom.

"Awww…come on! What if a cute guy comes this time?" Selphie asked us, grinning. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder that made me jump.

"Did anyone say cute boy? 'Cuz there's one right here." I turned my head, and there was Tidus, grinning stupidly. I noticed Selphie narrowing her eyes at him.

"Tidus, Tidus, Tidus…we all know how revolting you really are." Selphie said in jest, but Tidus frowned.

Tidus suffered from depression. You wouldn't think it becayse he was always grinning. But whenever he is thinking to himself, or zoning out, we all see the deepest sadness you could possible imagine form in his eyes. He didn't like to talk about it too much; he only talked about it in one-on-ones. Not in our Therapy.

Therapy was a group thing, where a bunch of people would talk about their problems everyday in a large room that reminded me of a carpeted music room, because there were small steps and levels, where it seemed different instruments should go.

In The Center, you pretty much only make friends in Therapy, considering you see them everyday. Everyone else, you pretty much ignore.

"Whatever." Tidus frowned again. I looked at Selphie. She seemed to regret her words.

We finally made it to the cafeteria, a large room with rows and rows of lunch tables. We headed toward the lunch line. I was in the back of the group. I was_ always_ in the back of the group. I held my tray in my hand and looked down blankly, thinking about Therapy and the new person who was bound to show up.

This was because Rinoa, an anorexic girl, left early the night before. And because they usually do Therapy trade by boy-girl-boy-girl, a boy was definitely coming,

It was my turn in line, and I chose waffles with syrup. I _always _got waffles with syrup.

I followed the others to our assigned table, where all of our Therapy members were supposed to sit. I sat all the way at the end, trying my best to avoid conversation, and instead focus on my waffles.

"We have Therapy third period, right?" Aerith asked politely, folding her hands infront of her. She was already there when we got there.

"You ask that _every_ day, and we give you the _same_ god damned answer. Because we _always_ have group third. Jesus…" Tifa shot, balancing her weight on her arms on the table. Aerith apologized weakly, silently going back to her food.

"Come on, Tifa! Give her a break, she's just curious." Namine retorted back, shaking her head.

"Whatever."

Aerith was anorexic, too. It was obvious; she looked so weak and got tired from just walking from room to room. Tifa, however, had anger management problems and was somewhat of a wanton. One of the councilors makes her work out everyday in the Gym to let out her anger. But it sort of backfired, because not only could she cuss you out, but now she could kick you ass.

It was quiet again. No one talked. But that's when we heard a booming laugh that sounded only too familiar. Everyone but me turned his or her heads to see who was coming. It was Axel and Roxas. Axel was laughing hysterically from some joke he obviously just told. How do I know? Because Roxas doesn't make jokes. Roxas just sits in a corner, just like me. But at least he talks.

Axel had drug problems, and claims he became addicted to pretty much every drug he's tried. Roxas had cutting problems, also like me. I think he also had some drug history, too. He scared most people when he talked... but he just had a staid personality and was a little intimidating.

"Hahaha! You guys should have heard the joke I just told…it was hilarious!" Axel exclaimed in his regular levity ways. He slid down the bench of the table, ending right next to me.

"Hey, hey Kairi! …What's crackin'?" he snickered, leaning closer to the side of my face. I didn't move, I was already used to this by now. So I just gave him a side-glanced glare. He got bored with my lack of attention and moved away. Axel really liked attention.

"Really? It was funny? I didn't see Roxas laughing…" Tidus said in honest confusion. Roxas narrowed his eyes at the blond, and adjusted his beanie so his bleach-golden spikes weren't sticking out like they always did. Tidus was also sort of a ditz. Something I thought he exhaggerated it. But I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

It was quiet again, and we all focused on our food.

"So…" Selphie started, squinting her eyes at her pancakes and poking them with her cheap plastic fork, "do you think the new guy will be hot?"

"SELPHIE!" everyone at our table yelled irritably, except for Roxas and me of course.

Just then, the second period bell rang, and everyone began to file out of the cafeteria with the cafeteria attendant by the door, letting everybody out. I had Lounge first, meaning the room with the T.V. and sofa. I walked down the hallway alone, the voices of the other kids echoing through the walls. The floor tiles were the ones you found in Hospitals, and the walls were half white, and half of a worn out flower wallpaper. I noted how many tissue boxes and 'happy signs' were lining the hallway, so I decided to count them out of boredom.

I was at fourteen when I reached the nearly empty room. During my Lounge, I only had two other people from my Therapy: Roxas and Aerith. They were both sitting on the pleather couch, Roxas flipping through the channels aimlessly. He _always_ was the one who flipped through the channels. Everyone else was too scared to ask him if they could use it.

I guess it was easier that way though…I didn't want to spend my lounge period listening to a bunch of retards fighting over the controller.

I plopped down on my favorite squishy armchair and crossed my arms against my chest.

"Oh hello, Kairi." Aerith greeted, with the largest smile she could muster. Roxas just put up a finger withought even looking at me, signaling a 'hello'.

More people came into the room, and they either sat on the floor and watched as Roxas flawlessly flipped through the channels with skill, read some kind of book, or take a lazy morning nap.

I was hardly watching the T.V.. It felt like time passed by quickly because it seemed that only minute later, the third period bell rang. I waited for Roxas by the door, who was currently helping Aerith get up withought falling.

Roxas has always been protective of Aerith and I. He used to be slightly protective of Rinoa, too. But I never really understood why he helped _us._ Aerith and I were pretty much in every period with him, so I let that be my little answer.

We walked down the bland hallway, and I re-counted the boxes of tissues and signs as we walked down. Fourteen. I counted correctly.

We finally reached Therapy, and I quickly headed for the back, nearest to the corner. My Therapy group walked in one-by-one, and nearly all of the cheap plastic seats were taken up from the circle, except for one, which was right next to mine. Typical. They didn't like me very much.

Yuna, who was our Therapy councilor, sat nearest to the door, crossing her legs and clearing her throat.

"Well, we all know Rinoa left as an early graduate last night, which was a sad loss to our group." She explained, obviously trying to build up non-existent suspense for the new kid. I wasn't amused. "But I'm sure we all are very proud of her for recovering well." A few people nodded.

"So we have a new patient-" but the sudden bursting of the door abruptly cut her off. Everyone snapped his or her heads towards the door, even me, because a scrawny boy was standing there, panting with a huge grin plastered on his face. His crystalline cobalt eyes made me stare blankly. He caught my eye for a moment, smiled again, and then looked away. I rolled my eyes to the side, but keeping a corner of my sight on the flushed boy.

"Hi! I'm Sora."

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_**Ummm...yeah. I just want to make this clear that I DO NOT CUT MYSELF. I was inspired by someone/something. No names.**_

_** Okay...now that that is clear...i hope you all like it. The next chapter should be up after i fix the chapter two in my other story ((which might take a while)) Check the story out if you want to, it's gonna be wicked...i swear. BUAHAHA...im so excited for both of these stories.**_

_** :3  
**_

_PLEASE REVIEW_-

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Okay. that took longer than i thought it would. Shit. Gotta keep going!


	2. Chapter 2::New Guests

**I'm sorry I have not updated lately, ****Writer's block and everyday busy stuff is deadly. -; Blah...read and enjoy!**

**AND thank you guys sooooooooooooooo much for ALL of your AWESOME reviews. I know no one asked me directly, but I decided to say that my inspiration for this story was a mix between an article and research I had to read for Health class, and a family member. Yup, there you go. Mmkay, once again...I DO NOT CUT MYSELF. Yay happiness.:p**

**Disclaimer: If I really DID own Kingdom Hearts...well...i wouldn't be here, now would I?**

REWRITE/EDITED

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-Where Tear Drops Fall-

-2-

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The boy scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

His pacific eyes sheepishly scanned the raised eyebrows of everyone in the room, including Yuna. From the back of his head, he pulled his hand through his light chocolate locks of untamed hair and blew out a breath.

I shrank lower in my chair uncomfortably while keeping the corner of my eye on Sora. Yuna was the first one to break the rather awkward silence.

"Ummm-uh…right. Well Sora, you can take a seat in the back of the room…over there next to Kairi. Kairi? Raise your hand so he can see you." Yuna called. My eyebrow twitched angrily as I gave a glare to the woman. I then glanced at Sora, who was looking right at me blankly.

I sighed in defeat as my face settled in an utter sulk. I slowly raised my hand so that it wasn't even over my head. I even wiggled my fingers to humor her.

Sora perked up from his absent expression and walked toward me.

Usually, whenever a new person came, they would be quiet, or, as they say, 'emo'. But Sora was one hell of an exception. I mean…he was almost _skipping_. I wondered what his condition was. Not that I was going to ask.

Sora plopped down on the annoyingly squeaky seat and looked at me. "I'm Sora." He grinned broadly, and reached his hand over for me to take.

I stared at it for a while. I stared at the softly folded creases on his palm, and how welcomeingly large they were. I glanced at his face as my lips were sealed straight. He seemed so…it was impossible to describe, like if I took his hand, it would be okay. His large, glossy cobalt eyes shined with a metallic luster, and it was hard to look away.

But then I suddenly became conscious of everyone in the room staring with interest, and snapped out of his gaze and looked back at his hand. To take, or not to take?

After what seemed a while, I slowly raised my hand until it met his. I gave him a semi-strong shake, and I inwardly noted how gingerly he shook my hand. I usually judge people by their handshake. Someone's intentions are painfully obvious when he or she shook with either aggravatingly little force, or with way too much vigor and strength so that you walk away bruised

So whenever a man does that to me, I usually give him an even stronger shake, just to piss him off.

But this boy seemed too honest to do such a thing. His handshake fell right around the middle. It was odd.

"Kairi," I mustered up monotonously, as our hands were still grasped onto each other. The vibrating sensation in my vocal cords surprised me. Half of me thought I would forget how to talk due to lack of speech. Sora smiled and looked forward.

I felt the lingering warmth from his hand slowly drift away from my palm.

An uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach as I realized how my icy hands probably pierced his warm ones. I shook my head.

I looked around again. I started to feel self-conscious on how closely knit the circle of chairs were again. I shifted uncomfortably.

Axel raised an eyebrow, "Whoa, whoa, whoa…Kairi _talked_? Now that's new." Axel commented, amused. Namine shot him a glare and blew a strand out of her face.

"Axel…shut up. She can talk if she wants to." Namine snapped, defending me. Axel put his hands up in defense.

"So-_rry."_

"Whatever."

Yuna fumbled with her fingers. "Perhaps Sora should tell us more about himself?" she suggested, beckoning Sora up.

Why didn't she think of that before?

I turned my head towards him, and was slightly surprised to see him looking at me. I could have sworn he even laughed under his breath. He then blinked, and nodded his head. I didn't know why, but I took note on how much his spike-assorted milk chocolate hair moved with every motion.

Sora walked to the near center of the semi-circle, dragging his large shoes awkwardly. "Ummm…my name is Sora." The room echoed with a bored 'hello Sora', "I'm seventeen and I'm in eleventh grade. I like a lot of this, but I wont list them because they are way too long. And...um, I dont really know what else to say." The room was silent.

"That's great, thank you for sharing, Sora." Yuna said softly, nodding her head. He mimicked her gesture and headed for his seat next to me.

"Okay…what should we start with today?" Yuna asked hopefully, leaning forwards in her chair.

The room stayed silent.

A heavy sigh escaped her mouth as she fell back to the back of her chair, making it squeak. "Okay, I guess I'll think of a topic, again." She seemed to be thinking desperately, because whenever she did that (which was every day), she would knit her eyebrows together and squinted at the ceiling.

"Oh! I know. How about we talk about our feelings on Rinoa's departure?" Yuna looked around.

"She was hot." Axel cracked. A few chuckles emit from people's mouths, but Yuna didn't seem amused. Yuna shot the redhead an annoyed and impatient look, and with one last laugh, he finally shut up.

"Ummm," squeaked Selphie, "I do miss her. She was really nice. And plus, I'll be lonely in my room without her."

"Really? I thought she was a goody-goody, if you ask me." Tifa mumbled annoyingly, crossing her arms in front of her. Yuna seemed delighted that there was _some_ kind of conversation going on…

"Oh but Tifa, she was so nice…" Aerith tried to insist delicately. Tifa rolled her dark eyes.

"Yeah. She was a real fruitcake."

The room was silent again.

"Well…I remember when my old best friend moved away from my home…" a voice said next to me. I blinked, seriously forgetting that Sora was there. "_I_ was sad. What I did was just keep in touch with him." Sora finished.

Like me, I don't think anyone was expecting him to speak again, because everyone was either scoffing, rolling their eyes, or just didn't care.

Yuna sprung on this.

"Really? What was his name, Sora?" Yuna asked politely. Sora only grinned a little wider.

"Oh, his name was Riku."

My body froze in mid-position, and a shock ran down my legs as I heard that name. My violet eyes widened as my finger tips played with my long-sleeved shirt. There were many Riku's in this world, right? I started to calm down, and the heat drained from my head.

"So Sora, where did he move to? Far away?" Yuna asked once more.

"A place called Destiny Islands," my face flooded with icy heat again, " that is pretty far from where I live. But he only moved two years ago, and his father works for the same corporation as mine. So one day, I hope I'll move near him, and everything will be the same again."

My legs and feet were tense, and my eyes locked into position at the floor.

No…way…this wasn't happening. Riku? _My Riku?_

My mind raced and my tongue felt dry. So when I tried to lick my chapped lips, nothing happened. The heat in my head was hot and cold at the same time, paralyzing me from thinking. I could feel my toes drain of feeling. Suddenly, the voices were just staticky murmers.

The bell echoed through all the rooms and I was the first one out of the room. I ran down the plain hallway to the main desk, where all of the schedules of the next month were. I quickly grabbed mine from my slot and dashed away to where my next period was: Library.

At least I could think there…

I entered the library, and went straight to the librarian who, today, was wearing oversized pearls around her long neck, and has her fine hair in deathly curls. I asked for my homework (which my school faxed to here), and quickly walked to the table farthest away and near the window. I slid into the plastic chair and pretended to read the information packet. But my eyes were glazed over, leaving the words to a hazy blur.

It was _impossible._

It was impossible that this boy knew Riku. I suddenly had a terrible urge to both bombard Sora with questions and vomit violently. But I knew better than that.

I suddenly felt a presence on the chair across fro me. I snapped my head up, and saw a smiling brunette. He looked at me quizzically.

"You look sort of spooked…are you okay?" he asked, leaning forward and squinting his eyes.

Who did he think he was? My _friend?_ I only shook his goddamned hand for Christ's sake…My hatred for him bubbled. Didn't he get it? Didn't he get that I didnt want to talk to him? That I didn't want to talk to _anyone_? What in god's name make him think he was so fucking special? Noticing that my teeth were grinding, I tried to take a breathe.

Maybe I was over reacting, but at that time, it was hard to focus on my reactions.

I blinked, looked back down at my paper, and tried my best to change my countenance to my regular, 'don't-talk-to-me' gaze and sunk down in my seat, but the scar of shock was still hidden behind my eyes.

I still felt his eyes on me. Why was he sitting here anyways? That fucker…only Roxas and Aerith sat on my table.

I decided to ignore him, like I did to everyone else. Maybe he would get the hint.

Silence pressed on the space between us and I couldn't concentrate on my work. I held up my head with my hand and let my cherry-flavored hair cover my face. I quickly looked up, and then down again, but just long enough to see that he was still looking at me.

Could he _please_ stop staring at me?

"Oh, I'm sorry if I was staring, you just look …sad."

I blinked. My hand stopped its scribbling, and then, only after a long moment, slowly started again.

That comment caught me off guard by a landslide. My eyes slightly widened, but I didn't look up. Half of me was annoyed, and half of me was slightly flattered for the attention… and the whole of me confused.

But still, I kept my thoughts to myself.

"I guess you don't talk much, huh?" he asked again, but this time softer. Again, I kept my head down, and continued to make a futile attempt to study through my buzzing head.

"She doesn't have to talk."

This time, I snapped my head up to see who said that. I was almost surprised to see that it was Roxas, who was slightly glaring at Sora.

Sora stared at him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way." Sora replied earnestly. Roxas dropped his bag at the foot of the chair, and shrunk into the seat next to Sora.

"I know." Roxas said back after a searching look. But I understood what he meant by it, and I think Sora did too.

A lot of time passed, and we were all studying quietly; except for me. My mind was too busy sorting out everything between Sora, Roxas, and Riku. Why couldn't this all go away? And as I shrunk lower and my heart felt heavy with anger, I felt the urge to hold a blade…

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Roxas and I were walking down the busy hallway towards lunch.

"You and I both know that there are people here who you can't trust." Roxas started, looking forwards as I kept my eyes to the ground. Our footsteps echoed through the hallway and our shadows danced on the wall. It was quiet for a moment, and then he looked at me.

"Maybe it's too early, but I'll trust him…if you do. Do you?"

I raised my head a little more so I could see the cafeteria doors loom into view. My eyes filled with thought. It felt like such a final question. I shook his hand, and he passed my internal test. I've never trusted anyone after Riku…should I start now?

I straightened my craned neck and looked forwards. I came to this place for a second chance. Why couldn't give him a first?

I slowly nodded my head, and so did he.

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**Well, I personally thought it was a bit rushed and boring...Oh well, thats how a lot of 2nd chapters are. Right? RIGHT?**

**haha...review if you like it. I will try my best to reply!**

_PLEASE REVIEW - _


	3. Chapter 3::Lonesome Movies & Snowy Days

**Hmmph…finally got around to updating. Sorry. I've been very bust lately, and I have a double-championship swim meet next weekend, so don't expect an update TOO soon. Gah…so tired. I hope this will quench your suspence/boredom. **

**Disclaimer: Hell no, I seriously wish I did, though**

REWRITTEN/EDITED

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- Where Tear Drops Fall -**  
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-3-

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It was lunchtime and we were all sitting quietly on our long plastic table.

The room seemed so quiet; there wasn't the usual hum of conversation going about the cafeteria. I lifted my head that was hovering above my plate and looked around. It was true; almost no one was talking. I guess change of the month was just so tiring…

I never really thought about it…but I missed the way _real _silverware sounded on _actual_ plates. It's amazing how much you miss something you never really though you took for granted. Like knives.

Quietness lingered on; most were desperate for conversation.

Tidus cleared his throat, and most of the table looked at him expectantly. But the boy just blew out a breath and lightly tapped a fist at his chest. He was just a victim of a common case of heartburn. I could almost sense the inward sighs of disappointment as they turned their heads towards their plates again to focus on their food.

I set down my utensils on my unfinished plate of food and stared at it grudgingly. Spaghetti and meatballs, how I loath them.

Here at the center, most of the food was starchy and carbohydrate based. Obviously for those who have eating disorders.

I looked over at Naminé, who was just staring at her plate in disgust, wrinkling her face and grinding her teeth. And then at Aerith, who was slowly eating piecemeal. Roxas was next to her, observing her, making sure she was eating.

My amethystic eyes flicked back to my plate. They lingered on the deformed spheres of meat, to the overly liquefied dark-red pasta sauce, until they set on the cheap plastic knife that was to the side of the plate. Unused. Clean. I became curious. My mind started to bubble. What if…?

I pretended to knock the plate against it, so the knife skidded closer to the edge of the table. I quickly glanced around. No one paid attention. A bead of sweat formed on my forehead from sheer concentration and stealth. I lay my hand over the pathetic piece of plastic, and carefully slid it over so it fell onto my lap.

I tried to not look suspicious, so I stared at my plate as I fumbled with the knife in my hands, thinking of where I was going to hide it. I carefully hid it into my pant's pocket, and I tugged at the hem of my long sleeved, cotton shirt to pull it over the pocket area. I then stood up, grabbed my plate, and walked towards the wastebasket.

I passed by my table again to reach the exit, and I heard them softly mumbling to each other.

"Why did she leave so quickly? It's only twenty minutes into lunch." I could barely hear Sora ask under his breath. Axel rolled his eyes. I slowed my pace.

"She's weird, leave her alone."

I was glad that tiny conversation was only between him and Sora; because I didn't want Roxas to hear them. I was afraid he might start something.

I walked on, blankly, barely remembering what had just happened. I was focused, I was stealth. The door guard quickly inspected me with her eyes, nodded her head, and let me pass. I let out a breath. I continued down the empty hall, tracing my tender fingertips against the rough walls as I walked close to them. I passed by the main desk towards the central closet, where all of the coats were hung up.

I quickly grabbed mine, pulled it on, and headed towards the back entrance.

The harsh wind stung my face as I stepped outside. I looked around the area. Dead. It was winter, the trees were bare, and the ground was covered in a thick blanket of snow. The last remains of the faraway autumn were covered and hidden from view. The sky, a dull gray, did not contain even a trace of sunlight to light up the crystal snowflakes. This was a barren landscape. It was no sugary winter. It was bitter.

The icy snow crunched beneath my Converse sneakers as I stepped through the snow toward the ghost town playground.

They used to treat younger abused kids years ago, Selphie told me, and they still haven't gotten rid of the playground. I didn't really care, though. It was one of the limited things I liked here. It was a little escape from the jailish rehab that I have called my home for three months, fourteen days, and sixteen hours.

No wait…eighteen hours.

I reached the swing set, where I always sat. There were three swings, but on one them, the chain was snapped, leaving the seat to dangle and collect snow on the frigid ground.

I sat down on one of them as the tips of my shoes pushed me a long to a steady, pacing rhythm.

The cold, dry breeze and the soft creak of the old swing were the only thing heard for miles. It was so quiet, and for a while, or whenever I came here (everyday), I was the only person on earth; I was free.

It was empty. And it affected me so deeply.

I gingerly reached into my pocket, and felt around for the smooth surface of the knife. I pulled it out, and set it on my wan hands.

I stared at it for a long while, just feeling the plastic surface on my fingertips. My thumb ran along the edge of the knife carelessly. I looked at it. Barely a mark.

Was I going insane? So insane that I was resorting to a _plastic knife?_ And not even. A reduced plastic knife; one that didn't even have the jagged edges. That I actually _thought _that _somehow_ it would draw the slightest bit of blood? Sudden fury struck me.

Was I that _desperate?_ Desperateness was a sign of weakness. I was not weak.

I shook my head, stood up, and chucked the plastic knife as hard as I could away from me in anger. My teeth were grinded and I kicked the snow ruthlessly. The snowy bits splattered onto the still play set, and slowly slid down the plastic until it reached its source; leaving a wet, moist path behind them.

I felt like screaming, to hear some kind of echo, _some_ kind of reassurance that I was real.

With exaggerated force, I sat back down on the cold seat. I puffed out a breath.

Was it even worth it?

I clenched my eyes closed, and began to rattle the metal chains of the swing with all the left over strength I had. I shook until my arms were as numb as the landscape around me. The snow that resided between the interlocking links of the rusted chain scattered, and fell on the ground or on me. I stopped, finally, and leaned over so my forehead rested on my lap, trying to even out my breaths. I was crazy.

No. I was addicted.

The dry, cold air nibbled at the tips of my toes and fingers; a sign to go in. I slowly rose from the seat, and walked away with my hands in my pockets. My head lowered and I hugged my coat closer to my small, helpless body.

Life wasn't too hot right about now.

My eyes grew stiff, and my lips curved into an unpleasant straight line as I entered the warm building. I hung my coat back up in the closet and slowly walked down the hall again. At least this time I had a whole day ahead of me.

* * *

I was back in my room, Naminé was there too.

I was lying on my bed, back flat. I stared at the ceiling blankly, thinking about the knife and the cold winter day. But my deep thoughts were interrupted.

"So Kairi, what do you think the movie will be tonight?" Naminé asked conversationally as she folded some of her used clothes and threw them in the hamper.

I rolled my eyes. Our table was on one single topic the entire dinner hour: the movie showing. The Center would host a movie the first and last night of each month as a welcoming or farewell for those who were leaving or joining. It was required to be a Disney movie, or some other movie that did not promote violence, drugs, alcohol; the works. It was always supposed to be a big 'surprise', to build up suspense and excitement throughout the Center. But a lot of people, like me, didn't give a shit. But others, like my Therapy group, discussed it constantly, ranting on and on on how excited they were for the movie that night.

What made it worse was Sora, who asked so many questions, that it only fueled everyone's need to converse on such a trivial subject.

The only thing I liked about Movie Night was that I could get lost in it and forget about everything.

My mind snapped back to the feeble conversation. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well… I just hope we don't see the Lion King again…we've seen that two times already." Naminé continued. She looked at the room's clock. "Oh! Come on Kairi, grab your blanket, we have to go!" she rushed. I nodded my head, grabbed some random blanket, and walked out of the room behind Naminé.

Wearing our required PJ's, we walked into the cafeteria. We were late, of course, and most of the benches that were lined up in front of the tapestry and projector were filled. We saw someone waving at us.

"Naminé! Kairi! Over here!"

We walked to where the person was, and there was our Therapy group, all packed into one bench.

"Hehe… well, we're sorta' squished. But there's one right next to me, and one over there." Selphie explained. We both looked over where she sad there was a space. It was between Sora and Roxas. Naminé sat down next to Selphie faster than my eyes could travel. She gave me an apologetic look, and shrugged her shoulders. I had a feeling she was scared of Roxas.

I narrowed at my eyes at her, and jostled through the path until I got to my space. I sat down and slid low in the bench with my arms crossed in front of me, my blanket somewhere caught inbetween them.

"Hey Kairi." Sora greeted, smiled flawlessly, and then nudged my side. I felt my face heat up. Roxas just did his signature nod, where he jerked his head up as if he was saying: 'hey'. I didn't say anything, of course.

Excited conversations filled the room as the owner walked up in front of the tapestry.

"Hello students! Welcome to our first movie screening of the month of January. I hope you all are comfortable and excited, because this is a classic!" the woman welcomed. She had a cheap, fake smile plastered on her face. If I had to do this twice every month, I would probably be the same.

I felt Sora lean closer to my ear. "Why does she call us 'students'?" he asked, squinting his oceanic eyes quizzically. I jumped.

"Because they think that if they call us students, it would _somehow_ trick us into thinking we aren't at a psycho rehab." Roxas answered for me, not even bothering to look at him.

"…Oh." Sora responded. He leaned back to his original position. I looked at him. He was a wearing a clean Hanes shirt and some plaid, soft pajama pants. It looked good. It looked _really_ good. I could see an outline of stomach muscles and toned chest through his top. My face heated up again as I realized I was staring.

I looked away, but too late, he noticed. Damn. Too slow.

He smiled. "I like your pants."

I stayed still, but I found my head automatically drop to my pants. I was rushed with embarrassment. They were red with pink hearts and moogles. But I shrugged. And he laughed. And I blushed again.

I blinked.

What the _hell_ was wrong with me?

I let out a frustrated puff of breath, cracked my head the side, and looked straight ahead sternly. I had to pull myself together.

It was Riku. Yeah…that's it.

Damn him.

The woman finally stopped giving her overly used speech. A few people clapped. Most just sighed in relief. The room grew dark, and the janitor, Cid, turned on the projector. The movie started, and we all began to realize what movie it exactly was: The Notebook. _The Notebook? _Well that's no Disney movie.

Ugh…gag me with a spoon.

There were squeals of delights from various females in the room and deep, depressing groans from most guys. This was going to be a long night…I knew it. I slid lower on the bench.

We all were still watching the movie, and romance came on full power. A few girls, like Selphie, 'awed' and put their hands to their hearts hopefully. I rolled my eyes, and continued to watch. I tried to stay as calm as possible. But as they began to kiss, and the romantic, orchestrated music meshed with the love scene, I found my self fidgeting in place uncomfortably.

I felt extremely awkward, like Sora and everyone else in the room was watching me, looking for some kind of change of expression. I felt closed in.

I took a risk. I briefly looked to the side at Sora. Curiosity struck me; I couldn't help it. The grays and blues mixed together and cast a brilliant light on his face, dying his chocolate locks indigo, and shining in harmony with his eyes. I looked away, but I didn't really want to.

He didn't seem embarrassed or awkward, like I knew Roxas probably did. (I could feel it; he was also shifting his weight from side to side self-consciously.) He was serene, yet still blankly looking at the screen, waiting for the next thing to happen.

The movie turned grim. Heart wrenching. Tearjerker. Whatever you wanted to call it. Something tugged at my heart, I had to admit, and I wanted to cry terribly. To let it all out. It was the perfect excuse, right?

But I knew better than that.

I cast my gaze to the side, and realized that Aerith was grasping onto Roxas' arms tightly, tears brimming her eyes. Roxas look uncomfortable, but he soothed her the best way he could. From the corner of my eye, I saw Aerith's hand slip into his.

I looked away. I felt like I was intruding.

I flashed my eyes back to the screen, only to realize the two characters were in the middle of the most passionate kiss in the movie while raining. I swallowed hard, and my heart bumped uncomfortably against the side of my lung.

In my uncomfortable-ness, I unfolded, and re-folded my arms, and then cleared my throat quietly. My arms felt like they were going to fall asleep from staying in place for more than an hour, so I finally released them, and let them fall to the side. I felt someone else's hand occupy that spot.

Bad move, Kairi.

I hastily pulled my hand away, and tangled my arms back together across my chest, tighter and tenser than before. I didn't dare look at the owner of the hand. I shrunk lower in my seat.

The movie soon ended, and lights turned on. I looked around.

Basically all of the girls were crying with puffy-red eyes and hanging onto the guy next to them. My heart bumped again.

I wondered…what if I _had_ cried? I swallowed.

Would I be latched onto Sora's arm?

I quickly whipped that thought away as I bustled through the crowd. I finally found an 'air patch', and broke free from the other 'students'. I walked down the hallway that led to the next one where my dorm was, but someone jogged up behind me.

"How did you like the movie?" I jumped, tripped, and soon found myself on the hard tile ground. Gee, I must have slipped. I put my hand on my head as I lay sprawled on the floor and looked up. There was Sora, leaning over me with a worried expression.

"Kairi, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" he asked as he stuck his hand out as a bolster to get up. I narrowed my eyes at the boy, and picked myself up. I swayed from side-to-side on my jelly-like knees until I gained my composure and stood straight.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." Sora pleaded and explained. I kept walking, eyes straight in front of me. I finally reached my door and stopped. I reached for the knob, and then paused. I mustered up all of my fleeting energy.

"It's okay."

With that, I went inside and closed the door, with ought looking at him.

I wasn't really sure why I did it, but I just felt the need to say it. So I did.

I turned towards my bed, and there was Naminé, sitting on her bed with a raised eyebrow, hinting something.

"Hmm…alone in the hallway with the new boy…you're finally coming out of your shell, Kairi." She said, teasing me. "He's all yours." I stopped at my bed.

What the hell did _that_ mean?

* * *

**Yay…its finished. Umm…I've never really _seen _but it was the only thing in my head…so…yeah. Sorry if the timing's bad. **

**.shrugs.**

** well, Sora's still a little mystery of his own, Kairi's not talking, and things drag on. Haha. Well, _TO ALL OF THE REVIEWERS WHO NEVER GOT A REPLY FROM ME_...im very sorry, im so freaking busy, its not even funny. But each one, i love A LOT. So if I don't reply your reviews...im REALLY sorry! I try my best, I usually reply the earlier reviewers, but only because i usually have more time. Once again...I LOVE ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS, really, with ought them, i probably would have deleted this story by now. Haha...**

**leave some**


	4. Chapter 4::Revealed Secret

**uhh...sorry? please, don't make the flames _too _bad. i know it's sorta rushed  
x.X;  
AAAND, this chapter is dedicated to LoStNoBoDy who got third place in my challenge! great job, hun. and Gray, yours IS coming soon, ha ha, i promise ! **

**Disclaimer: Yada yada yada, i don't own Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy...whatever**

REWRITE/EDITED

* * *

- Where Tear Drops Fall -  
- 4 -

* * *

My therapy group, other students, and I were all sitting in the classroom, waiting for the teacher to arrive.

Today we had Health, a mandatory class we had to take every other day. I hated it. It was like school, but with even more uncomfortable lectures on boring topics in the span of two hours. Which was worse. Much, much worse.

I was in the back of the class, tapping my soft-point pen on my notebook. My right arm propped my drooping head up as I stared at the clock, already waiting for the bell to ring. The last 'students' scurried into the room and took the closest available seats possible. Sora, who was one of those last people, scanned for the nearest seat. We met my eyes for a split second, and then to the empty seat next to mine. I looked down at my scratched-up and graffiti-covered wooden desk as I felt the boy sit besides me.

My eyes lay on my small, black spiraled-notebook that sat lonely on the desk. I opened up to the last few pages, where frivolous doodles covered each page. Some where of boxes, diamonds, other shapes, or whatever I was thinking. I liked to draw droplets, too. Shading and shaping them were fun.

I finally found a blank spot, and started drawing twists and circles randomly. I felt Sora's eyes on my notebook, so I slouched over slyly, trying to cover up my drawings. I was beginning to find how snoopy this kid was.

The counselor walked in, wearing her usual blithe and sunny-side-up expression. Today, she was humming a song to herself. I think it was some song by Modest Mouse. Everyday, she would sing a different song whenever she strolled in, and I would always try to guess which it was. It was another little game I had to pass the time. I tended to depend on them to retain my sanity.

She set her books down –her humming ceasing- and walked up to the board with a broad smile playing at her lips.

"Hello everybody!" she clasped her hands together. No one answered, "My name is Rikku, for those of you who are new, and I will be your Health counselor." Her thin, sunny hair was tied up in a reckless bun with strands falling into her face. Peridot jewels of eyes shone in the bright lights of the classroom.

"I will be giving out small spiraled-notebooks to all new students, which will be used for Journals and notes, shortly. At the end of each Health class, each student must show me their two entries that were to be done by that day. Journal entries will be on the right side of the notebook, and daily assignments on the left. Any questions?" Rikku explained, and then looked around expectantly. No one moved.

"Alright then, all new people please come up!"

Rikku smiled as three students who, one being Sora, walked up and received their notebooks.

Rikku began to write the daily assignment on the board, the signal for conversation to erupt in the classroom. Rikku didn't seem to mind, I think she was humming her song again.

I felt Sora's eyes on me again, and then made the mistake of looking up at him. He grinned, and then bent forwards towards me.

"Hey Kai." He grinned. I refrained myself from looking at him. I continued drawing. I could hear him tapping his pen rapidly on his desk in boredom. I stopped doodling, set down my pen, and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Say Kairi, is this class fun?"

I looked at him, and made a small scoff. I think he understood, because he smiled at me. I felt a gnawing, pleasurable pain in my stomach.

As everyone received their notebooks, Rikku turned back to the board. I squinted my eyes so I could see her tiny handwriting.

"Okay, for the next week we will be talking about eating disorders and diets, the next, depression and loss, the one after that, drugs, alcohol, and addictions, and then lastly, self inflictions. Because in order to tackle our problems, it is important to understand them first." Rikku explained as she paced across the classroom.

Something made me look to my right, and I saw Sora, unusually stiff and uncomfortable. I wrinkled my nose. I do that a lot.

"But for today, we will be talking about first signs of eating disorders. So open up to the left side of your notebooks, and start copying!" she grinned excitedly, and then skipped back to her desk. I opened my notebook to a new page, and began to write:

_Anorexia:_

_-Loss of at least 3 consecutive menstrual periods (in women)_

_-Not wanting or refusing to eat in public_

_-Anxiety_

_-Weakness_

_-Brittle skin_

_-Shortness of breath_

_-Obsessive-ness over Calorie intake_

_-Over-exercising_

_-Use of baggy clothing_

_-Complaining of feeling cold even in normal, to hot weather days_

_Bulimia:_

_-Excusing one's to the bathroom self after a meal_

_-Eating excessively_

_-Dental issues_

_-Weakness_

_-Anxiety_

_-Use of laxatives or other stool softeners_

I wrote it all down as quickly as I could in my notebook, and then set my pen down. I leaned back, and crossed my arms over my chest rightfully. I looked around the room. My eyes first settled on Namine, who was playing with locks of golden hair in a bored fashion, obviously tired of this subject already. I wondered how she could treat a subject to close to home with such indifference. I didn't understand at first. But then I realized how much weight and form she _had_ gained since the scrawny little toothpick that first walked in here. And…she seemed happier, able to accept herself better than before. Even though she is still the same old edgy and persistent Namine…

She's getting better, I decided, but she still obsesses about how her clothes look on her. At least she's eating decently for her condition, though. I felt an odd sort of satisfaction as her improvement. But then I remembered that we weren't actually friends, so I tried to shake it off.

My eyes then wandered to Selphie who was playing with her coffee hair a little uncomfortably. I watched as her chewed-down fingernails chipped away at the bottom of her desk. My nose wrinkled, but then I realized in what condition Selphie really was when she first came in. She had been hospitalized before coming, and received intense psychotherapy and even stayed in a secluded dorm away from most 'students'.

I frowned. But then Rikku cleared her throat signaling her speech.

"Everyone finished?" people nodded, and she continued, "Well, today we'll start with what might cause these eating disorders. Does anyone have any ideas?" the blond stopped, and looked around for hands.

And, of course, being Sora, the brunette raised his hand eagerly. Rikku smiled, and softly pointed her finger at him.

"Well, probably dramatic childhoods, right?" he asked at the edge of his seat. Rikku smiled. "And what's your name, Mr. Hyper?"

Sora grinned even more, "Sora." A few kids chuckled at his behavior, and I just scoffed (maybe a half-laugh?) quietly.

"You're right. A lot of these troubles can be caused by childhood drama, like a lot of other disorders and problems. But there could be other causes, too. Like losses of loved ones, sudden change in environment, or anything else that might frighten or depress someone."

"There are other eating disorders as well, some that aren't even named. Most of the people who suffer from eating disorders have _dismorphia, _which is where the victim looks in the mirror and sees a completely different body. For example, like many people with bulimia or anorexia, they may see fat or a large figure, and can't even realize how dangerously thin they are."

"Or," she smiled, and stepped up closer to the class, "you could be completely obese and fat and look in the mirror and see a Carmen Electra body." The class laughed and smiled. "Yup, its true! They are also in denial, and buy way too fitted shirts…" the class laughed again as she impersonated a chubby person.

Well that was harsh, I thought. Rikku was probably taking it to the extreme, and not really realizing that people might be like that around here. She did that a lot and just gets so caught up in her joke or speech, she forgets where she's working. Sometimes, I wondered who exactly hired some of them. I knew that it was in honest jest, but the giggles were more uncomfortable than bona fide.

The bell sounded through the hallways, and the laughing immediately halted as everyone crowded through the door. I look my time, however. I wasn't going to be another _lunatic_ who made a huge deal out of getting to dinner.

As everyone was by the door, Selphie, Sora, Namine, and I straggled behind and watched as Tifa rammed into the befuddled mob and shoved them out the door. Everyone cleared the doorway, thanks to Tifa, and Namine strut behind her with her neck help high, ready to push any last laggards.

I headed for the door and noticed that Sora was right behind me. I looked over my shoulder, not at Sora, but at Selphie, who was having trouble with her notebooks. I stopped to measure if I had the emotional and physical energy to go over and help her, but Sora, not noticing that I had stopped, knocked into me and pushed me through the door. And yet again, like every other time, I lost my balance and fell on the hard tile floor. He dropped next to me.

"Oh my god, Kairi! I'm so sorry!" he apologized sincerely, gritting his teeth in a questionable manner. I kept my eyes straight, and recuperated from my awkward position. I shook my head, signaling it was fine, grabbed my books and strut down the hallway as fast I could.

Right as I was about to turn the corner, I turned back, and saw Sora hitting himself of the forehead, and muttering stupid words. I almost smiled. Almost.

We sat in the dining hall's unstable tables again as Namine continued to complain about the food. But I think we were all relieved that at least someone was talking.

Namine glared at her pizza, "I can't believe I have to eat this." Her shoulders slumped as she grinded her teeth. "And look how greasy it is! It's disgusting!" Namine whipped the surface of the glistening slice of pizza with a gray napkin, and gagged at the amount of grease that resided on it. Okay, she had a point. I looked down at my pizza, half eaten as it was, and then politely pushed it away. I rested my hand on my face and stared at the plastic table cover.

It was quiet again. Why did our table have to be so awkward?

Axel took a bite, and swallowed it. "Well, have you tried to _taste _it?" The redhead said with a roll of his emerald eyes and copied my position.

"Well Axel, have you even _looked_ at it?" Namine hissed back at her least favorite person in the world. Axel rolled his eyes again, his favorite pass-time.

My eyes cast to Sora, who's plate was empty. "Well, it wasn't _so _bad. A little soggy, but fine to me." Sora pointed out as he played with the edges of his plate.

"A _little?"_ Namine almost roared. But I didn't notice Tifa's reddening face until then.

"I know, why don't you all just SHUT THE HELL UP? Who cares about the god-damned pizza anyways? Does it really have to be topic of debate? _Pizza_? _Really_? What has _happened_ to us?" Tifa was now leaning over the table with embers in her eyes as her raven hair swung loosely past her shoulders. It was silent as we swallowed her words. Vitriolic tone aside, Tifa was right. Kairi could barely remember the last time the table talked about something of substance and interest. Something other than the standard opening movie or what food filled out stomach. I mean, I already knew this place was driving me crazy, but this time it really hit me. What had happened to our personalities? What had happened our spirits? This troubled me. My train of thought was interrupted.

"Umm...Tifa? You hair is in my pizza…" Selphie squeaked. Tifa literally roared, and stomped off. One of her many counselors ran over to her in haste.

"Tifa…remember our exercises? Breathe in…breathe out. Breathe in…" the councilor instructed, doing the whole hand motions and everything. Tifa twitched as she obeyed. "Good job Tifa. Now come on, lets take you to your room…" She put her arm around her and led her to the exit so she couldn't escape.

Our table was shot silent again. Tidus cleared his throat. But after that no one talked. The question of my soul continued to haunt me.

That's when I heard a soft chuckle to my right. At first it wasn't much, but then it grew into hysterics. My eyes widened. Laughing at Tifa was sure death.

The whole table shushed Sora, and he had to bite his lip to stop from laughing. He was now shaking, and his hair was bouncing up and down.

"Oh stop laughing, retard." Axel mumbled grumpily. I looked into Roxas's eyes for a brief moment, and I could tell he was finding this amusing.

"Whatever." Namine sighed as she excused herself from the table after clearing her place. Selphie left too, as usual, and walked towards the doors, was checked by the counselor guard, and disappeared behind the swinging doors. I looked back at where she was sitting and noticed she hadn't cleared her place.

Aerith sighed, "Hmm…Selphie forgot to clean up again. I'll do it for her." She began to attempt to get up, but Roxas interjected.

"Aerith, sit. I'll get it." He told her, and he jumped out of the bench cleared his plate, Aerith's, and Selphie's empty one. He walked back a moment later and sat down again. I then noticed he was looking at me oddly. Sora seemed to notice his gaze, and glanced at me too.

"Kairi…you're bleeding." Sora told me softly, reaching over to my other cheek. I stiffened, turned away from him, and let my fingertips hover to the apparent scratch. It must have been when Sora accidentally pushed me, I thought. I stood up, and started to leave the table.

"Where are you going, Kairi?" Sora asked, eyes shining. I looked down and bit my lip, deciding whether or not I should say anything. "Bathroom…" I mumbled. He nodded. Axel perked up and began to mock clap with a stupid grin plastered on his long face. I rolled my eyes, and Roxas looked like he was about to punch him.

I turned away, placed my hands in my navy hoody's pocket and walked towards the exit door. The guard looked me over, and nodded her head. I slipped past the doors and headed toward the bathrooms to clean up my cut. The sticky blood was probably in my hair by now. It was a miracle the counselor guard did not stop me.

As I walked automatically through the hallways, I began to think why I hadn't felt the cut, and how much I wanted to.

I reached the girl's bathroom and walked in. The bathroom attendant was on her dinner break like always, which was good, because she would probably report me thinking I cut my self on purpose.

I carefully walked towards the glistening, wet pearl sinks, considering the floor was slippery again. The bathrooms were _always _wet for some reason. I think there was even an accident where someone fell and hit her head on the floor a few weeks ago. I shook my head and reached the sink. I turned the knob and watched as the water cascaded thickly out of the furnace. I first washed my hands, and then reached for a paper towel, wet it, and then looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't looked into the mirror in a while, I thought. My thin, raspberry hair was basically a slobby mess as it rest on my shoulders. My skin was paler, along with my lips. And my violet eyes that I used to be so fond of were now worn away and tired.

What has happened to me? Tifa's tirade echoed in my thoughts. I didn't want to waste away.

A murmur came to the back of my head: Riku happened. I shook my head, along with my thoughts, and began to wipe the cut with the damp paper. It stung, just a little. And I sighed. I looked at the pink-stained cloth and tossed it into the trash uncaringly. My eyes flashed to the reflection of my dirty face again. I cringed, and ran the water again. I scooped the icy liquid in my palms and splashed it on my face. It felt good. It felt really good. I felt like my senses had cleared, along with the tiredness for a brief second. I had forgotten the joy of refreshment. I remembered that it had once been part of my nightly routine. But that was a different person.

Suddenly, I smelled something sour in the air. I wrinkled my nose and sniffed. It was an odd smell. One i knew, yet couldn't put my finger on. Still mulling over curious odor, I jumped as I heard a flushing sound from one of the stalls. My curiousity prickled so I leaned back to see the row of toilet stalls.

A door swung open, slowly though, and out came a brunette: Selphie. Her head was down, not noticing me and ruffled her hair. She had a can of cheap air freshener and a toothbrush in her hand. My eyes widened as she looked up at me, and so did hers.

It must have looked strange, really. Two petite teenagers standing in the middle of a slippery bathroom, one wearing a dark hoodie and was too pale for her own good, and the other one brightly dressed holding Lysol and a toothbrush. Not to mention the both of them wide eyes. But that was all beyond the point.

Her green eyes flashed from side to side, and opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out. She tried again, "I-I was…" she looked up at me again, fear rising, "I…" My astonished eyes pierced hers as she looked across the floor. The reality of the situation struck me hard. I could feel it in my gut. Suddenly, I thought of my soul, and then of hers. My throat went dry.

Suddenly, she dropped the items on the floor and the sound echoed through the tiled room. The girl began to shake and sputter. The bubbly brunette. The idol to many young and new patients. The girl who was going to graduate out of this place after long months of staying here. The girl who was named a success; just a charade. I couldn't move.

I heard a piercing sob emit from her mouth. "I-I was getting better…I swear! It's just-just after Rinoa left, and Tidus doesn't talk anymore…and-and…" The girl fell to her knees and covered her hands with her face. I quickly kneeled down next to her.

"Just…please don't tell anyone, Kairi! I can get better before I graduate. I've done it before, and I'll do it again!" she cried, clenching her fists as she gave me a pleading look. Her voice was tight and her vermilion eyes were shining. They were scanning my face for some kind of hope.

I looked into her eyes for a long while. "Please? Please, please, please…"she began to beg desperately. She touched my hand, but my eyes wouldn't leave hers. I was disappointed in the deepest sense my heart would allow. Because maybe, in the smallest sense, I looked up to her, and now her future was in my arms, right this second. If Selphie Timlett couldn't get better, could this mean _I_ could never get better either? That I will always stay here, and never truly improve like the pathetic girl before me? I didn't want to stay here forever. I wanted hope. Did I have any?

My eyes softened and I felt them sting slightly. The final judgment, I shook my head.

Her eyes sprang open in horror, and she began to bawl her eyes out as she fell to the side and cowered into a ball. I stood up quickly, stumbled backwards, and then almost ran out of the bathroom to get some kind of attendant. But as the air ripped at my lungs and my legs quickly began to cramp from lack of use…there was only one thing on my mind.

I did not want to end up like Selphie Timlitt.


	5. Chapter 5:: Confessions and Forgiveness

**Yeah..i knoww! I'm really sorry, but It's finally up, right? Well, I hope you guys will like this one...it is the long awaited chapter that all you readers have been waiting for! YES, you know what that means.**

**edit: sorry that i just replaced this chapter...i recognized a good amount of typos and i nearly feel over. .**

**Disclaimer: okay, the rules abide, and they will never change: i do NOT own any characters.**

REWRITE/EDIT

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**-**Where Tear Drops Fall-

-5-

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Dinner was quiet a few days later.

The word of Selphie resuming back to her problems seamed to leak throughout the Center, along with my 'ratting' her out in the past four days. I spooned my mashed potatoes quietly, farther away from the eating group than usual. I didn't feel at all that hungry; every time I tried to raise my spoon to my mouth, I felt like I was going to vomit. I felt incredibly guilty for my decision in telling a counselor about Selphie's accident in the bathroom. But, even through the remorse and rejection I felt from everyone else, I know deep down that it was the correct thing to do. No matter how painful it was to betray my friend.

Giving up, I put my spoon down on my plate and slumped even lower. I was scared to look anywhere else but my plate. The thought of the whole cafeteria secretly talking and looking at me sickened me; leaving myself even queasier than I had felt before, even thought the incident was days ago.

But I stole a glace to my left at the rest of the group who were all eating quietly as well. I was still surprised that Axel hadn't taunted or spoken a word about Selphie and myself's occurrence. My eyes silently strayed to Roxas, who seemed to be thinking hard as he stared into his plate. I had a strange feeling that he was slightly blaming himself for Selphie's well being in the past days. I guessed he was convinced that if he had looked after Selphie, like he did Aerith and I, things would have turned out differently.

My amethyst orbs then set to Namine, whose eyes were also plastered to the surface of the grayish lunch table. She was probably feeling terrible about how she always made fun of Selphie's upbeat and hyper attitude behind her back. Then, my eyes lay on Tidus, who hadn't even bothered to get dinner. A dark film seemed to have cast over his occasionally bright eyes in the past four days. Dark, tired bags have formed underneath his eyelids, as his less-radiant bangs covered most of his face.

I finally looked at Sora, who had been staring back at me. A lump formed in my throat, and my saliva felt like goop inside my mouth. He stared at me softly, face drooped in respect. He hadn't really talked to me since the accident. A few moments later, he jerked his head towards the door, signaling for me to meet him outside. I looked away. I wasn't sure I was completely ready to talk just yet. And the thought of it being with Sora terrified me even more.

I watched from the corner of my eye as Sora stood up from the bench and threw his trash away, heading towards the door. I fidgeted in my deep-sea green sweatshirt as I sat there wondering whether or not to stand up and follow him. I bit my lip as my emotions seemed to make up my mind, and allowed my legs to lift my body up.

I could feel almost the whole cafeteria's eyes follow my every move, judging and studying me as I started to head for the exit. I felt sick again.

Once out of the cluttered room, I felt a large weight lift off my shoulders. But at the sight of Sora leaning again the wall waiting for me, the weight seemed to sink into my stomach.

Sora seemed to straighten up as our eyes met and then dug his fists into his pockets. He looked around in a slightly awkward fashion. I couldn't help notice how his spiked bangs hung over his gorgeous liquid eyes. This didn't help much with the current situation.

I stopped in front of him, mentally kicking myself for deciding to meet him there. I looked down at the floor, and then up at him again, my eyes lingering on his surprisingly complimenting outfit. A nice, jersey-fabric green shirt fit him nicely around the torso, without exaggerating his already lithe body. Dark jeans hung loosely along his legs, and I found myself biting my lip.

I kicked myself once again. This was no time for such thoughts, no matter how amazingly handsome he was at the random moment, or how—

"So, how are you?" he asked slowly, his voice deeper than normal. I jumped, shaking myself out of my stupid thoughts as a light blush caressed my cheeks. After a few moments' pause, I decided to open my mouth to speak, but nothing seemed to come out. The question suddenly seemed much more complicated than it was supposed to be.

I looked down, but Sora seemed to understand. "C'mon, lets go walk." He looked into my eyes pleadingly. I had never seen him like this in the past week that I've known him. I nodded quickly, and began to walk next to him; neither of us knowing exactly where we were going.

There was a silence for a while as the only noises produced by us were our echoing footsteps in the vacant hallways. I felt like I needed to say something.

I hesitantly opened her mouth. "I…I've been thinking." My voice was soft from lack of use and I continued to stare at the tiled floor. Neither Sora's countenance nor his pace seemed to falter, making me feel a little less worried about what I was going to say, and giving me a little more confidence.

"I was thinking about…starting one-on-one therapy again." I said very slowly, realizing my voice was barely louder than the sound of our footsteps. I felt Sora nod. "That's really good, Kairi. It's actually very good that you might do it; it's to your benefit." He said equally as soft.

The silence pressed on, as we found ourselves by the door that lead us outside to the bitter winter. I had been out by the swing set a lot in the past few days, and I felt the need to feel the cold once more. Silently, we both dug through the closet, looking for our jackets, until we swung them on and walked outside.

The brisk and dry air cooled my senses, and the crunching snow felt good beneath my black converse sneakers, which were slightly dampening with each step. Fog formed out of my mouth with each breath like a steaming teakettle, and each bold inhale stung the inside of my nostrils. I enjoyed the cold. It was oddly welcoming to me.

I stole a glance at Sora, who was staring blankly at the frosted ground below him, and then towards the horizon of barren, gray trees. Silence pressed in our ears as we continued to walk past the forgotten playground and towards the small, frozen pond.

I slipped my hands into my jacket pocket, searching for my gloves with frigid fingers. To my great misfortune, they were not there. I cupped my hands around my mouth and exhaled to release heat into my bitter hands. Sora watched me do this.

I dropped my hands to my sides, clenching them together to attain some kind of warmth. My teeth clattered, and all I wanted were my fleece gloves.

Then I felt something grab my hand, and I realized it was Sora.

My heart seemed to freeze over like everything else in this wasteland, and my pulse strangely doubled. I quickly looked down, scared if he was looking at me and expecting something. But I knew he wasn't, he was just breathing in the air around him and soaking in the environment. I licked my chapped lips. Was he holding my hand out of affection or to just warm up my hand? My mind went fuzzy at the thought of either.

"You know…there are a lot of rumors going around about you and Selphie." His voice was casual, yet soft to the touch. For some reason, my stomach sank at the thought that maybe he was probably just warming my hands up. "Ha, some of them are really stupid. I think one of them was that you actually hit her after finding out, and she broke her jaw." He merely chuckled to himself. I was relieved he didn't believe in those rumors.

But I was clearly aware of the awful rumors spreading around, and once I just felt like screaming the real story out at dinner on night, so that I would stop being tortured. But I knew better. No one would be able to hear. They were deaf to the truth.

I knitted my eyebrows, and decided to speak. "I…I found her in the bathroom. She…actually begged me to not tell anyone; that she could stop when she wanted." I sucked in a breath, I was already getting tired from talking, "but I knew…I knew she would never recover in time." I bit my lip. I wondered if it was safe to tell these things to Sora. I had only known him for a week, after all.

Sora nodded as I looked at him. He was staring blankly at the untouched ground in deep thought. I really wanted to know what he was thinking.

"That was really brave, you know." He said. My stomach did a back flip and my mind felt fuzzy again. " Don't listen to what other people say. It was the right decision." He nodded and halted as we reached the small pond. He dropped my hand, and I embarrassingly stuffed my hands into my coat pocket. The little pond was nothing more than a near circle of untouched snow atop a layer of ice. A twiggy, dead-looking tree with long and crystal-like icicles leaned over the pond. The remains of dead weeds stuck out near the edges of the pool, and I thought the scene looked rather lonely.

Sora crouched down close to the ground, and stared at it for a second. He picked up a close rock, and chucked it towards the ice. The rock made a wide crack, and bits of snow fell into it.

"The ice is pretty thin. I bet spring is coming soon." He said, smiling lightly to himself. I looked at him and I couldn't help but feel depressed. The smooth grin reminded me of someone I distinctly didn't want to remember. I felt hate bubble up inside me. And at the moment, I wanted to explode with questions on exactly _how_ he knew Riku. My eyes turned to slits, and the temporary lax atmosphere and tranquility melted before me. I was about to open my mouth when he spoke.

"I heard you used to cut yourself. And that that's how you ended up here." He declared calmly looking at his pale hands. My anger also branched into annoyance. I distinctly didn't like to talk about it. "But…" he continued, looking up into my eyes, "I guess you don't know how I got in here, do you?" his eyes matched the scenery behind us. His usually crisp, near cobalt blue eyes were now a sadder, emptier gray. Something seemed to twitch in the pit of my stomach. But as his words soaked in the in the look of his eyes, I felt slightly curious. However, I didn't dare let my angry defense down.

He looked away from my eyes only for a second, and than back at me. "I've done bad things, Kairi." His eyes looked even emptier than seconds prior, and my stomach sank into my intestines. My anger slowly, very slowly, calmed, and I wanted to understand him as much as he wanted me to understand as well. He seemed to have swallowed hard.

"I-I," his voice cracked and he looked down towards the bitter snow, "I didn't know it would get so bad when I started…"

I froze. A sick feeling erupted in my stomach and I felt like throwing up. My muscles tensed like elastic rope as I stared wide-eyed up at him. All this time…I had never known exactly why he had come here. He seemed like such a normal boy, a fun-loving and peppy boy that you probably wouldn't meet everyday of the week. But then I thought, wasn't that how I was so long ago? I suddenly didn't want to hear the rest of his story. I knew too well where it was headed.

"You know…my mom was never home and," he fiddled with his fingers as his vocal cords seemed to continue cracking, "when she was, she was always so tired. But she always told me to work hard and everything. Which I did! I really, really did. I-I was one of the top of my class, honor roll every semester…but then one day I couldn't take it." My mind was frozen over once again along with the water in the pond, and everything else around me. I inwardly begged him to stop. Please, just stop! I was having a hard time handling all of this; why did so many lives have to be screwed up? I would rather live in blissful ignorance than hear his tragedies. I knew this was wrong. I knew this was selfish. Who was I to reject one of the few people who seemed to care about me? I bathed in self-loathing. I needed to be strong. I was not weak.

"I was…"he sniffed loudly and looked up towards the morose sky, "so, so tired of life! So tired of the pressures of school, so tired of coming home to a frequently empty house, so, so, SO tired of always being the one left out! So I found an escape." Sora half turned away from me in shame, and I continued to beg him to stop inside my mind.

"I want you to promise me, Kairi. Please, please, don't…don't ever do such a horrible thing as I did. After I got addicted to the drugs…there was no stopping me. I stole things…lots of things." He grabbed his head and kneeled down on the floor like a ball. I didn't move, I didn't blink. All I could do was stare at the boy who seemed to be lost within himself.

"I stole from a little kid, Kairi! A little kid! A-and only to get money for more…" he looked up at me from the ground, water brimming his small pupils and now chattering his teeth as if he were naked in the snow. "I am such a disgrace. My mother…is probably so disappointed. I let her down. And now…" he cried standing up straight slowly and looking down at me, "I let _you_ down."

The bitterness of the sky nipped at my watered orbs of violet. I wanted to yell at him, scold him, hit him, and cry to him. My stomach was so queasy now I wanted to fall over. Then he whispered, "I know its strange to confess this all to you so quickly...but for some reason I feel I need to. I can't explain it. I'm so twisted up inside. Sometimes, I don't even know who I am anymore…" But as I stared up at his pleading round eyes as he hesitantly stood up again, I thought: I want to be the first to forgive him. And soon I found myself wrapped around him and compressing him as if he was going to disappear from my fingertips. My mind screamed 'I forgive you; you don't disappoint me', and I prayed that he could somehow hear me through the thickness of our close-grained bodies. His reaction was almost immediate; he wrapped his arms around me equally as desperate. He dug his face in the crook of my neck as I shivered from his warmth; something I haven't done in so long.

And then I wondered…when was the last time I hugged someone?

We stayed like that for a long while, supporting each other by a simple yet complex embrace of mixed emotions and regrets. His brown hair tickled my cheek as I hugged his torso tighter. The scene was odd, I figured, two people holding onto each other in a tight embrace in the middle of a winter wasteland. But as of right now, the arctic judgments around us were nothing compared to the warmth between our bodies.

I didn't know why, and I didn't know how, but I felt myself letting go.

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Later that night I was alone in my small room.

I couldn't stop thinking about the confession of Sora earlier that morning. There was something about holding each other after such a speech that felt so…important. There was a strong connection between us now, I thought, a friendship I hadn't experienced in a while. Along with a feeling I hadn't felt in a while aswell.

I thought about Selphie, too. I finally mustered up the courage to visit her a while after my encounter with Sora. Rather, our moment inspired me to do it. She was in a separate section of the Center, the Special Care Unit. That was the place students when to when there was an emergency. They still weren't sure what they were going to do with her just yet, but one thing was decided: she wasn't going to graduate this month. That piece of information impacted me strongly. She had looked forward to it for so long, and part of me felt as if I had ruined her dream. But when I visited her, she just smiled at me softly and talked to me as if nothing much has happened. Apparently I was the second one to visit her, the first being Tidus, of course. She talked to me about a lot of stuff, and I inwardly felt relieved. And I think she was trying to tell me that she forgave me…and I felt a little bit better.

She talked to me about her worry for Tidus, and she asked me to look after him. I found this surprising, but I nodded to a promise. She asked me a lot of questions away from those two subjects as well, and it felt like things were back to normal again. I even didn't feel the occasional annoying feeling I felt when she talked to me so much like that. But I didn't mind; it felt like she was so happy to finally talk to someone again.

Before I had left the patient's room, I remembered, I turned around and said softly, "I'm sorry." But she only smiled at me as I left the room. And after that, my heart surprisingly felt lighter.

I also thought about how a while after talking to Selphie, I signed up for one-on-one sessions again. Amusement played inside me as I remembered the look on the secretary's face. But she smiled pleasantly at me and told me she was glad that I was doing this. I only nodded, but I found myself agreeing with her.

I fell back on my stale bed and let out a puff of air as I closed my eyes. For some odd reason, I felt very peaceful at the moment. I had certainly accomplished a lot today, I thought. I found a small smile creep up on my lips. I shot my eyes open.

Where did that come from?

I sighed again and scratched my uncombed hair. I crinkled my brows and sat up with my legs dangling off the side of the small bed. I stood up and looked into the only mirror in the room. For some reason, the Center did not promote mirrors, and our room was one of the very few that actually had one. We tried to keep it secret though; we didn't want people coming into the room every second of the day to see how they looked. Heck, even the bathroom barely had a mirror.

I stared at my reflection. It seemed so tired. My hair was a stringy mess and I had small bags under my eyes. I looked better than I did a few days ago when I look in the mirror in the bathroom, I thought. But I felt an odd sensation to clean myself up. I rummaged through my drawer noisily in search for a comb. I finally found the wooden utensil, and then pulled it through my hair with difficulty. It took a few minutes for my hair to be flat and untangled again, and I nodded my head. I touched my face and leaned closer to the mirror. My skin seemed greasy, and I felt a very urgent need to wash it.

What was wrong with me?

I haven't washed my face in a _long_ time, why am I caring about how I look now? I sighed and silently decided to go to the bathroom and freshen up. I searched through my drawer again to find a scrunchy to pull up my hair. I blinked. Jesus, something must _really_ be up with me today. I haven't pulled up my hair since I came here. I seemed to be doing things I haven't done in a while today.

I rolled my eyes and slipped on some slippers before I left the room. For some reason, we _always_ had to wear some kind of shoe. I thought that the pinkish shoes clashed with my navy, baggy hoody and gray sweat pants, but I just shrugged it off and closed the door behind me and stepped into the empty hallways.

Things were strangely quiet tonight, I thought. Namine wasn't in our room, I was pretty sure she was going to visit Selphie after she heard that I did. But she should have been back by now.

I wondered what time it was, certainly not _too_ late, I hoped; I didn't want to get into trouble. But I continued to walk down the horribly decorated bland walls towards the girl's community bathroom. As I walked I traced my fingertips against the wall absentmindedly. I found my lips humming a song from the movie _The Notebook._ I knotted my eyebrows together; humming this song in particular was quite random.

I continued to walk down the hallway humming the song lightly. But suddenly I felt someone behind me, and then a grab on my shoulder. My eyes shot open and I must have a jumped a few feet in the air. I quickly whipped around to see who it was.

"Roxas!" I found my self saying breathlessly. The sudden rush of fear and cold that went to my head thawed as I took a deep breath and took a step away from him. Roxas made a kind of subtle smirk, "Sorry I scared you." He said quietly as always. I stared at him with a biting of the lip and took a step away from him.

"What are you doing up this late?" he asked as he looked around the hall. I pointedly looked towards the nearby entrance of the girl's bathroom, "Ahh, right." He said. Silence followed after that, and they both stood out of place in the middle of the abandoned hallway.

He then looked me in the eye, "I haven't talked to you in a long while, how are you?" he ask kindly. Roxas was never this polite and kind with many people…really only with Aerith and me.

I shrugged and shoulders and looked down. "I heard you've been talking more lately." He told me. I looked up at him, realizing I was slightly blushing for no reason. Have I really? I've barely noticed…

"Yeah, and that you signed up for one-on-one's again. That's good." He said, something of a smile etched across his countenance. He looked down at the floor and then said, "Lets sit down, I don't feel like standing." I looked at him quizzically as he sat down on the floor and leaned against the drywall wall. I nodded my head and sat on the opposite side.

We sat in silence for a while. My eyes set on him. He wasn't wearing his usual beanie over his unruly hair, and I liked it that way. For some reason, I had an urge to tell him.

"I like how your hair is now." I said softly, not used to the vibration of my vocal cords. He made a small snort and kept his eyes closed as he rolled his head against the wall. That was the great thing about having Roxas as a friend, he didn't freak out when I actually spoke a little bit like I know a lot of people would have.

"And I like how yours is." He replied with a small yawn at the end. I made a small snort for myself and looked away from him and made myself into a ball with my legs tucked under my chin. The hallways felt even eerier than before. It was dark, and basically the only light available was the full moon from outside the window a few yards away from them. I sighed and closed my eyes too. But I felt him looking at, searching me, and I felt uncomfortable. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me as if he was deciding something, and then shook his head and stood up. He walked over to me and offered me a hand.

"C'mon, we're gonna get in trouble. I bet one of the nurses is going to walk through here soon." He said looking down at me. I nodded my head and took his cold hand. He lifted me up easily. "Hmm…you're lighter than you look." Roxas smirked as he looked down at me. I snorted, and then looked up at him. We were close. Much to close. But he didn't make any move to walk away, and I was rooted to the spot. Why did this 'rooting' happen to me so much?

Without warning, I found myself in an embrace. My eyes widened substantially.

Once again, we stayed like that for a long while. I wasn't really sure what was happening, and I wasn't even sure about how I felt about it, either. The hug felt uncomfortable for me. It felt good, I had to admit…but it didn't seem right. This was Roxas, my first friend at the center. This was Roxas, the misunderstood young man. This was Roxas, a boy in love with someone else.

Maybe that was exactly why I held him tighter. I wondered how long it had been since he'd had a hug. Probably longer than me, I thought, and I knew that that kind of emotion bottles up inside you until it overflows. This was his moment of overflowing, I reasoned. And he had a right to.

But then his hair tickled my cheek. My heart skipped a beat and an exhilarated shiver ran up my spine. _Sora_. I blinked. Hadn't this just happened hours before?

Roxas began to pull away, and his rough bangs covered his eyes so I couldn't see them. He stepped away from me. "I'm sorry…I just…" he trailed off softly, not looking me in the eye. I swallowed hard. "I can…help you, you know." I said softly, digging my hands into my hoody's single pocket. He looked at me timidly.

"Hmm?" he asked softly, not completely understanding what I was talking about.

I bit my lip, and cleared my throat. "I can help you…" I took a breath, I was already getting tired of talking, "be closer with Aerith." I looked up at him; a very small smile turned my lips. He opened his eyes wide, but were nonetheless twinkling distantly. He stared at me for a few seconds and then looked away with a small laugh.

I supposed that that was his own subtle way of saying "thank you".

"C'mon, we should really go now." He said softly, walking away with his hands in his pockets. I walked next to him down the hall in a comfortable silence. Everything felt at ease, even if I knew it wouldn't last until the morning. But then, I thought, as we walked down the winding maze of this prison, perhaps there _was_ a chance of an end coming into sight.

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**Well, I [hope you all enjoyed that... It definately took long enough, i know. Some fluffyness here...im sorry it was really bad fluff, but i PROMISE that this will probably the only overly-dramatic chapter for the ones to come. Im sorry...it was terrible, I'm sure. Well, please review! Ive been really ahppy with all the reviews lately...you guys really inspire me a lot to right. So please review, and you'll get a chapter sooner. :)**


	6. Chapter 6:: Of Scars and Secrets

**Soo...don't kill me for the lack of updates. I've been trying, honestly. Well, anyways, i believe that this story will be coming to an end soon. Ah! Yes, the closing. I'm thinking in maybe two or three more chapters; including the epilogue or not. Not too sure. Well, please enjoy, hope you like the chapter! I nice little amount of Kaiora for you guys, too!**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters. No need to rub it in.**

REWRITE/EDIT

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-Where Tear Drops Fall-

-6-

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I sat rigidly in the cafeteria the next day.

Today was the day for my first one-on-one Therapy session in about two and a half months. I was nervous, I had to admit. For the time that I was in those sessions, I didn't talk at all. Yuna, who was my personal counselor, just sat there asking me questions, which were never granted a response. I would just stare at the ceiling, completely ignoring her. I felt bad now. But hopefully I could get it right this time. "So Kairi, I hear you have your first session today." Naminé said out of conversation. I nodded my head, playing with my parmesan pasta. "I'm sure you'll do great, Kai." She finished encouragingly. I flinched at the pet name. It brought back bad memories of that silver haired son of a bitch.

"You okay, Kairi?" Aerith asked sympathetically, obviously noticing my sudden jump. I made a small smile to her and muttered a small 'yes'. Her smile grew as she returned back to her plate. It was quiet for a while longer until the bell rang suddenly. Everyone around the table jumped, no one was really expecting the bell to ring. Shuffling out of the large cafeteria, I found myself walking alongside Sora and Naminé.

"Hey guys, want to come with to the schedule desk? I totally forgot what I have next period." Naminé said as Sora and I nodded, squeezing our way through the diminishing people in the hallway. We finally made it to the desk, realizing that I too had forgotten what I had after this period; I checked my schedule on the hallway wall. I groaned and swore under my breath. I had workout period with Tifa. She was sure to make a fun ride. I usually didn't like workout period, but they say it takes down stress levels. And as much as I don't want to admit it, it actually did help at times. Except when it was with Tifa.

I looked at my schedule again. But something there made my blood go chill. Under the same period of workout was Sora. Shit. Crap. Fiddly winks. And I didn't stop myself in muttering those out loud, too. I felt a presence beside me, and jumped when I realized it was Sora.

"What were you swearing about?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow and a large smile. I gulped, my mind thinking quickly. I pointed to Tifa's typed out, messy name. His mouth formed an 'O' in recognition. "Well, I'm sure we'll survive." He said, then ruffling my hair as he walked away. I quickly smoothed it out again. Realizing that I was probably late by now, I tapped a flustered Naminé on the shoulder to tell her that I was leaving.

I walked quickly through the maze of bleak hallways towards my destination. Finally reaching it, out of breath and wishing I had chosen a thinner sweatshirt for the day, I knocked on the door. After hearing a muffled greeting, I turned the golden-rusted knob and entered the room. It was very much like the other rooms of the Center, in exception for the increased amount of interesting artwork on the walls and fluffy rugs on the floor.

I spotted Yuna, who was sitting cross-legged on an office chair in front of a maroon couch. She was looking nice, as always. Her short chestnut hair was combed and tidy, and she wore a pressed khaki skirt and pretty blouse. She smiled at me and motioned for me to sit down on the couch. My nerves flared up again, and I found myself playing with my hands as I gazed around the room stiffly.

Yuna continued to smile, "I'm so glad you decided to join one-on-one sessions again, Kairi. We never really got far last time." She said sweetly, but somehow, not in an annoying, 'psychologist' way that I previously remembered. Funny how memory can altered. I didn't say anything. What was there to say?

She flattened out her clipboard on her lap tidily, "So I've heard you've been talking more lately. That's really great." She said conversationally. I looked into her eyes. Why were these statements not annoying me like they did before?

"So I suppose we should talk a little about the past. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I do want to know about how this all started." She said, clicking her pen. Not knowing what to say, I shrugged my shoulders. I hoped she understood that my doing meant that I was paying attention, and that I still wanted to do this. And I think she did, because she smiled. It seemed to have encouraged her.

"Do you have any siblings, Kairi?" she asked. I almost smiled to myself to think about it. I nodded my head, not looking in her direction, but attempting to flatten my hair and make it look presentable.

"What are their names?"

I bit my lip and cleared my throat. "Reno." I said softly, "His name is Reno." It wasn't much to say, but I was glad I said something that wasn't so negative. Yuna's smile only increased.

"So tell, is he older than you or younger?" she asked, still keeping the casualty in her words. I appreciated that.

"He…just started college." I murmured, playing with my hands.

" Ah, and do you miss him?" she asked, writing some notes down on her clipboard. My heart suddenly became heavy at the thought of my brother. We used to be so close, and when he left home, I remember feeling so alone. For years, he was my only companion, considering that for a while we moved around so much with my parents. We grew up with each other; we grew off of each other. And we were all we had.

I nodded. Yes, I missed him terribly.

"That must have been hard. You were probably close." She then laughed to herself, "Oh my, I had a bunch of little siblings. The only bad thing about it was that I never really got close to them, which I'm sure you were with Reno. It was hard to get to know someone when they were always stealing your stuff to play dress-up." She began laughing at her own memories, and the smallest smile turned on my lips. That was something I've always wanted though; to always have someone below you so that they were always be there for you, even if you could not always be there for them.

I decided to speak, "I've always wanted little siblings." I said softly looking at my hands. Yuna looked at me, but I did not remove my gaze from my hands.

"Hmm, I suppose you are right. They were always there, weren't they? And all you wanted was someone to relate with." She smiled. I shrugged, now picking my nails, surprised on how she was right on target.

There was silence for a while longer. "But there must have been some other reason for you to start inflicting pain on your self. You don't have to tell me now, so if you feel uncomfortable about speaking about it, it's alright with me." She said, leaning back on her chair, giving off a vibe of flexibility for these sessions. I shrugged my shoulders. She nodded her head.

"You know, often for cutters like yourself, sometimes something drastic happens in their lives. I know that the absence of your brother was troubling, but was there something else? Such as a death of a loved one?" she continued, her hair falling out behind her ear as she leaned forward in her chair. I thought for a moment, and then shook my head.

"No? Then what was it? Remember, you don't have to tell me anything just yet."

I nodded my head, continuing to pick at my nails. I noted how dry they looked. "Well…" I quietly started, "there was a boy." Silence pressed on as I looked up at her eyes. I could see that there wasn't the standard "oh I feel so sorry for you". But there was actually something there in the depths of her mix-matched eyes. It was a raw understanding.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked. I bit my lip. Was I ready to tell her? But what about people I trusted?

I shook my head. No.

She smiled brilliantly. "Don't worry, we can talk about it when you're ready." she casually said. There was a silence. "Well, how about we talk more about you." I nodded.

I ended up telling Yuna how my absolute favorite food was key-lime pie, no matter the occasion. That I loved contemporary rock and techno and the occasional hip-hop song. I told her that I thought that this place resembled a prison, about my afternoon swing set sessions, and about my friendships with my therapy group. The bell rang, and she walked me to the door with a smile, saying that she'll see me tomorrow and to have a great day.

I'll have to admit, as I walked out of that room, I wondered. I wondered why I had been so set on hating such nice people like Yuna, or why I had always thought life was out to get me. But the weight on my shoulders was lifting. I was feeling a little bit of freedom.

* * *

Work out period didn't turn out as badly as I thought it would. Tifa was in one of her incredibly rare good moods. I supposed it could have been because of the endorphins, but I didn't think about it too much; I was trying to focus on my work out schedule. Sora and I stuck together that period, considering no one else we knew other than Tifa was there. And anyway, Tifa was too busy kicking the shit out of one of the male padded targets. You see, here in the Center, they didn't just use manikins or foam figures, but real counselors. No wonder Tifa loved this period so much.

Another plus about work-out period was that right after, we had an additional rest period with the people in that particular period. It also happened to be the period before dinner. This had been an unusually good two days.

By the time the bell rang, I was ready to stop. I had a good burn surge through me as endorphins weren't that far behind. I couldn't help but compare the feeling to cutting. I shook my head quickly as I began to look around for sharp objects. I kept my head down, trying desperately to ignore these urges.

I followed Tifa into the showers as all the girls washed up in the gym bathrooms. After a hot shower and a warm towel later, we were all sitting in the free-period room, where I usually spent my mornings with Aerith and Roxas. As I headed towards my usual spot, I spotted some other kid sitting there. In my chair. I took action. I stood directly in front of him and just stared at him. The boy, immediately recognizing me, jumped out of the seat and scurried away to his friends in the back. Satisfied, I sat down and adjusted myself into my most comfortable position; flattening down my dark, wet hair.

"Ah, Kairi, you have power, don't you." Sora said, plopping animatedly on the couch next to my seat. I didn't answer him, but eyed Tifa who was edging herself towards the remote.

"Tifa." I said lowly and quietly. She immediately shot her head in my direction.

"What?" she snapped, her eyes deepening. She knew exactly what. I just stared at her.

"Ugh! Fine, it's you're turn. Jeez!" she said, chucking the small black box onto my lap. I picked it up and started to flip through the channels quietly. Whenever Tifa and I had rest period after weight lifting, we would take turns with the remote. This only applied to us two, considering we were the most intimidating ones in the room. Hey, gotta' keep up the title.

Stopping at a satisfying channel, I got up to get a bottle of water, and sat back down; not changing the channel.

Silence pressed on as everyone watched the TV. And then, "Kairi, this channel is crap. Change it." Tifa snarled as she crossed her arms in front of her in a childish fashion. I only glared back. I seemed to have forgotten on her mood swings, and this time it turned a total 180 degrees due to the lack of control over the TV.

The staring contest continued. "No." I said, not letting my gaze break from hers. I could see Sora, who was sitting next to her, look between the raven-haired girl and me with worry of conflict. Sora's wishes of peace were ignored, as before I knew it, Tifa had picked up my water bottle and tossed its contents on my face and sweatshirt. Before I could react wildly, though, a counselor jumped in and pulled the girl away. She gave her breathing instruction, her back facing me. My own breath was pumping in rage. I threw the remainder of the water bottle to the floor, and stomped out of the room before either of us did anything else.

I could feel my hot breath rip through my nostrils as I tried desperately to calm myself down. My fists were clenched in fury; my nails digging into the bareness of my palms. My mind was on fire. I quickly turned the corner and stomped toward the bathroom to dry myself off. As with what I could see that no one was in the hallway, I ripped my sweatshirt over my head without thinking as I neared the entrance of the bathroom; revealing the graffiti on my limbs.

Before I could react, think, or even realize, Sora's voice was traveling around the bend of the hallway. The anger flushed away so quickly, its speed is incapable of defining in words. Fear took its rightful place. "Kairi, wait! Don't just run off like that during a period, you'll get in-"

But it was too late. He saw. One of the many secrets I had kept beneath my heart and cloth of my sweatshirts was revealed. I turned around with fear stricken eyes. He was not looking at my eyes, not even at my face, but at my arms. I looked down at myself as well. There, plain as day, pink and scarlet scars, stretching their way across every inch of my pale arms. There were crosses, tiger-marks, or even long, continuing lines that snaked up towards my shoulders and hid behind the cloth of my tank top. There were no arms left, I realized, just the healing scars of my past, dug deep, deep into my skin.

I looked into his eyes, but he would not look into mine. He could not seem to break the gaze he had on my marks. It scared me. It scared me even more to look at his blank expression than to look at these scars that I inflicted willingly. What would he think of me now? Would he think of me as inferior? My eyes began to sting. And just as I was making things right…

But the worst part, the absolutely horrifying part was the way his eyes, his face, and his body began to shake as he read what I had inscribed on myself with the blade of a kitchen knife and the pain of those words.

Before he could say anything, react…I ran.

It didn't take too long of running until I quickly collapsed on the corner of the floor. It did not take long until Sora was by my side. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to; we both knew what was etched into my arms that both induced this silence and filled in many blanks on the page.

_Riku did this._

Tears felt very funny. It had been a long time since I'd cried, and I had completely forgotten the feeling of a sudden wave of exhaustion. Or the feeling of you truths, lies, and fears cascading out of your eyes; leaving you forever in peace.

And maybe perhaps that was why I couldn't stop.

And Sora, poor, kind, Sora, just sat there with me quietly, rocking me back in forth in his arms as I languidly sat on his lap like a pathetic baby. His shirt was damp from my tears, and if he had noticed, he didn't say anything. He just pressed his warm cheek to the crown of my head and continued to move me back and forth. My heart filled with both warmth and sadness as we sat there for what seemed like a long time. Here he was, holding me, supporting me. And then again, here he was as well, breaking under the truth.

A long time had passed until my tears began to slow. Sora stopped rocking me back and forth. But we just sat there in silence, a sniffle and a breath here and there, but ultimately, quietness. And then, he spoke.

"So," he said quietly, not removing his head from mine so I could feel the sweet vibration of his vocal cords, "this Riku, he…" Sora said, trailing off of his course of words, waiting for me to finish his sentence.

After a couple of moments, "…he was your Riku." I said shakily, my voice still recovering from its sobs. Sora didn't say anything, and I didn't expect him to. I continued painfully. "He hurt me, Sora. He hurt me in the worst way possible." I said this very slowly and quietly, like it was secret, only for him to know and understand.

He stayed quiet for a while longer. "And…" he swallowed, "did he, did he do that to you?" he asked with such a tone in his voice, as if he was hoping, wishing, that this could not be true, that I had been lying this whole time. Ah, how wrong he was.

I shook my head in his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat. "I did it because of him." A loud sniff came after this whisper and I could almost feel a chill go down both of our bodies.

"It's hard to believe you…" he continued slowly, his own voice shaking quietly, "but somehow, I do; I know it's true."

We didn't talk for a while after, as if we were both pondering very hard on his words.

"Riku, he was always aggressive and quiet. But I never thought - I still cant think- that he would-" but I cut him off of his attempt to comfort me, and himself.

"Sora?" I asked quietly. He snapped his jaw shut and pulled away slowly, looking at me. "Yeah?"

"Can we not talk about Riku right now?" I said quietly, losing energy with ever syllable. He just looked into my eyes in the coolness of the floor, diving deep into my soul and coming back. He nodded. We so close right now, I could feel his every breath, his essence of life. My heart neither sped up nor slowed down, but at if we both had gone still with the world around us. But I just relaxed my tiny self against his chest again. He hugged me closer.

Suddenly, and without warning, the bell for dinner rang, and footsteps could be heard through the hallways. But somehow, we did not move, we barely breathed. That is, until a slim shadow cast over us.

It was Naminé. She was looking down at us, not with scorn, and neither with understanding. But as if she knew that this was exactly where she expected us to be, and that she knew this exact situation was going to happen. A sniff escaped my nose and she sighed deeply. Her eyes softened as she spoke.

"C'mon Kairi, lets go to our room." she said evenly, and even possibly, with a small friendly edge. She stuck her slender arm down at me, waiting for me to take it to bring me back to safety. The gesture was simple, uncomplicated, easy. But I just stared up at her quietly, as if it meant everything. If it were any other day, any other time, I would have smiled.

Because I think I had friends.

Sora had supposedly gone over to the front desk as Naminé brought me to our small, in-ornate, safe room. He had told the main secretary that I had had a small meltdown, that no, I did not need a counselor, and that yes, I was with someone and was completely being taken care of. Considering it wasn't a big deal, or however Sora ingeniously depicted the situation to them, they did not take any further action, and gave a pass to both Kairi and Naminé to not attend dinner that night. Luck, I thought.

So there Naminé and I were, sitting in the warmth of our room on one bed, brush and Kleenex at hand, and both hugging our pillows close to ourselves. I had told her a brief summary of what happened, but only after her insisting that I didn't. But I ignored her and my fatigue from words and told her anyway. In my mind, we had grown closer, and that maybe she deserved to know what happened to me. I think she appreciated that too, and also the fact that I didn't smother my arms up again with a sweatshirt, but left them oddly free for the first time in a long time.

"That's quite a story." she said, her normal, Naminé straightforwardness tone coming back again. I just nodded, staring down at the milky creases of my pillowcase.

She sighed dismissively. "Well, in my opinion, that Riku guy should never even think of going near you again." She said, toying with her nails. And then she said casually, "And if he does…I might just have to pull out my crazy-ass fist and sock him in the face."

I thought of this situation carefully, and I couldn't help but let a smile creep up on my lips. I could tell Naminé saw it.

"Well, anyway, I kind of feel sorry for Sora right now as well." I nodded softly along with her comment. "I mean, imagine your best friend moving away and becoming this terrible person who hurt a girl like you, someone he befriended and obviously cares for. I mean…it's probably confusing." a silence stretched after her comment. I couldn't help but agree with her. Sure, it was hard being the one being the target of abuse by the boy. But to have your best friend hurt your other friend? My stomach sunk deep into my system.

"Well, lets not talk about that bastard anymore. I'm sick of him. Now turn around and let me comb out that mess you call hair." she said without a tone of a question. I only nodded, actually happy for the change in tone of this conversation, and turned around so that I faced the headboard of my bed as she took my hair into her hands. I felt her reach for the brush on my left side, and began to tug at my hair.

"You have got some got some split ends, honey. I can lend you some of my damage remedy conditioner and that should tune it back up. You do have fabulous hair, if I do say so myself." she rambled on, tugging at my neck and hair.

A loud squeak emit from Naminé's mouth and I jumped in surprise. "Oh! I just had the most wonderful ide-a!" she sang animatedly, turned my shoulder hard so that I could face her. "How about," she continued, "I cut your hair and make it amazing again? Trust me, I'm a professional. I used to cut all of my family's hair before I came to this place. Oh! And how about I do your nails as well?" her eyes glittered as she asked me these questions, excited that I would obviously have no say in being her new object of creation. Before I could even open my mouth, a large smile spread across her face.

"Great!" she said and she jumped off of the bed, making me bounce up and down from the springs, "I have this nail polish that was actually approved by The Center; no dangerous toxins to inhale or ingest. I mean, its not great, but it's definitely something. Here, choose a color." just as quickly as she said this did a white bag filled with clanking bottles land in front of me. I opened it slowly, and saw it filled with makeup of the same, supposedly approved brand.

"And no, you may not ask to wear black nail polish. It's cynical! I don't care if it's coming in fashion nowadays, you wouldn't catch me dead in that color." she rambled, sitting back down in front of me and rolling her eyes with every word. I just stared at her silently, innocently. And shook my head.

"I wasn't going to ask for black…" I said quietly, averting my eyes away from hers. I could see her through the corner of my eye smiling slightly. But it soon disappeared.

"Good. Trust me, especially in a place like this, black only screams 'I have problems'. So, I've just decided on the color for your nails." she continued, obviously forgetting that she asked for me to pick a color. "How about a maroon-ish red? It would match your hair, anyway. And after I fix up your hair, you will look fabulous. And plus, I don't think light colors would compliment your pail skin…" I only nodded, and then tried to open my mouth to say something, to thank her, to say words I had ignored for so long. I had taken for granted on what kind of roommate I had. But she interjected.

"Shut it." she said, as if reading my mind, "Don't say anything, and stick your pretty little hands out to me so I can put the base coat on you. Oh, how I wish I could push your cubicles back with something easier than cheap plastic! Damn Center, wont me let me bring in my nail-necessities…"

And that's how it went for the rest of the night. Us, in the silence of our room as she rambled on about one thing or another, seemingly forgetting that we were in a prison, a freak house. We were normal, I was normal. And maybe that's why she was doing this for me.

I smiled lightly as she continued to blabber, focusing closely on my nails. Because I had another friend to add to my list. A list that was just beginning, and a list that meant a lot.

That night, as I lay in bed, I listened to the darkness. Listened to what it had to say to me, snaring me in my own guilty pleasures with its cool, wisps of mist. It tasted like before, when I was in full rage with that addiction, with that pain. But I didn't let it pass through me, didn't let it soak into my finger tips and taint my veins with its ways. I ignored it. I felt a light in the distance, beckoning me, coming closer. But my eyes were closed, waiting for that certain nightmare that never came.

And one that may never come again.

* * *

**So, yay or nay? Why dontcha review and tell me? Atta' boy! Almost at 100 reviews!  
**

**Hope you enjoyed, don't flame too hard. :)**


	7. Chapter 7:: Visiting Day

**woww...been a while, huh? Well, i find this a nice chapter, so hopefully it was worth the wait? Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:**** the usual...i don't own anything but my own plot..blah blah**

REWRITE/EDITED

* * *

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-Where Tear Drops Fall-

-7-

* * *

I walked out of Health Class a few days later with a certain lightness in my footsteps.

Nothing in particular had happened that morning, nor the days before this one. I had woken up, gone to breakfast, free period, therapy, gym, lunch, and then Health. Not much had particularly changed since my first session with Yuna, nor my encounter with Sora. Yuna had, however, mustered out a few words from me in Therapy, making Axel dance mockingly in front of the group. Even if my temper and embarrassment flared for a moment, I didn't care in the long run.

The relationship between Naminé and I hadn't changed too drastically; which I was very happy for. I did not like the idea of having the need to plunge into being someone's best friends after a night's act of kindness and sincerity. However I found myself talking to her everyone once in a while now. And I was very thankful that she didn't mock me like I'm sure others would have.

The same situation went for Sora. Even if nothing drastically had changed, which I was happy about as well, like Naminé, I felt closer to him in the past few days.

After the incident of Sora finding out about Riku, which surely was a large blow, took a few days to really sink in. (These few days included many silent moments and avoiding on his part ). It was only until five days later did he finally build up his courage and knock on my door after dinner. During these five days, I gave him his space. I had to be considerate, after all. It was hard for me to imagine anything like that happen to me; my best friend moving away and then suddenly turning for the worse. Perhaps, deep inside, he knew his childhood Riku would simply not stick. This I may never know.

I had let him inside my room while Naminé was away visiting Selphie and what-not, and talked until she walked in on us in deep conversation looking skeptical. During our talk, I did most of the dialogue. It was hard, at first, but after the words started to tumble out of my mouth, they wouldn't stop. At the Center they say the first steps were always the hardest. I guess they were right.

* * *

It had all started at the beginning of that summer before junior year.

Riku had been the new kid at South Island High the winter before. For barely two months before that, the weather was cool, breezy, and anything but hot. It was what a lot of Islanders found as paradise; the beaches with just a taste of the cold you would have up north, yet warm enough to wear nothing heavier than a light sweater. During this time, you would find many locals comfortable in sweatshirts and shorts, and in extreme rarities, even sweatpants. It was after this period of time he came; the changing point to the normally warm, sunny Destiny Islands.

The point was that the cool season was often a delicacy during a twelve-month continuous summer. The same sun, water, and sand got achingly tiring after so many years of living there. So tiring in fact, that I had wished, hoped, dreaming for some kind of break from the routine life of Destiny Islands.

Every 'season' and every holiday, a flock of eager tourists from up North would frolic. During these long weekends, everywhere you turned you could see out-of-place people walking around, camera in hand grouped around two main aspects: the beach and historical landmarks of our Island. All you ever heard from their mouth was oh how beautiful, honey, take a picture. Or, so interesting, lets come again next year, kids!

And frankly, I was sick of it.

None of the tourists understood what it was like to live in a "paradise" for all your life. Because after awhile, the appeal dwindles, and all you're left with is sand, the hot sun, and an ocean away from everything.

Not that I was miserable though. Sure, it was fun most of the time to jump into the ocean in the middle of December when you're fifth grade pen pals were shivering up in Twilight Town. Sure, it was fun to be able to walk to your friends house within minutes, no need for major transportation unless you were leaving the small community island. And sure, sometimes it was great that you knew everyone and vice-versa. It was just the way things were, whether you liked it or not.

But it was the general idea that bothered me so much. I wondered how much I missed out from the people accustomed to the actual change of seasons. Wondered what it was really like to have a snowball fight, a White Christmas, orange leaves, and the relief of Spring sunshine. And that was exactly what I wanted. And so I wanted to leave. I guess I got my wish.

But that two month long "winter" was especially refreshing to me that year. Of course, that was because I didn't realize what was to come, considering only a year later I would experience what the cold _really_ felt like. At the restart of classes after the well-deserved break was a rare new kid. And that was Riku. He had lived in Destiny Islands for a few years already, but had just relocated to our specific island for reasons we did not know. And like a tidal wave, or even the sudden change of season itself, I, along with half the population of girls in my school, became entranced by this silver-haired teen.

Somehow, unknown if there was any specific point or time, he began to slowly return the favor. I had liked him all the way up to summer break, where like the other girls, I never got a lucky break with him.

But then, what happened was accidental; it was not supposed to happen.

I went to a class party to celebrate the end of the year that he had gone to as well. A few laughs and drinks later, Riku and I had what to have been believed as "acquaintances". A week later, we were friends. And then soon enough, three weeks after that, I was suddenly his girlfriend.

During our relationship, I could see myself change before my eyes. I felt like I was another person, just an onlooker, viewing from afar a life of a love-sick teenage girl. Beforehand, I was a little goody-two-shoes. I finished my homework before dinner time, never went past curfew, and was best friends with my fellow Student Council girls. But the second Riku entered my life, he flipped it upside down. And at first, I thought I was for the better. And most likely it was.

I went out more, met new people, and truly socialized. I dragged my friends with me every once in a while, not pleased in the beginning, but loosened up considerably later on. Soon, my summer had become what everyone thought one should be; a new social life, a new boyfriend, a new me. I was becoming a true teenager, and my summer was shaping up to be one of the best in my life.

And it was. However, after about two months of seriously dating Riku, who did not bother with the awkward, skittish first few months of relationships, went into full gear. Gradually, I was being pulled away from my friends; the ones who had been by my side through thick and thin. I began to ignore curfew, staying out with Riku who already had a car, also a huge bonus to the boyfriend thing, because he was older than most of the kids in my class. I ignored my parents, partied too much, and when school started, ignored both my grades and Student Council duties. My friends were not pleased, suddenly on the defensive mode and deciding that no matter how good looking Riku was, he was not good for me. But I just continued with promises, gifts, and smiles during the day, and then hard booze and car-sessions at night.

By October, I was impeached as Student Secretary, plummeted below my standard High Honor Roll, and eventually, viewed with disdain by most of my friends and class. That October became one of the most significant times of my life; in the early days of this month was the first time he physically abused me.

He hadn't exactly been gallant since the near end of the summer. Occasional rude comments, insults, and kicking outs of his car, leaving me to walk from one island to another several times. But I clung on to him, because, even if everything was disappearing from beneath my finger tips because of him, he was all I had left; so I held on closer.

When he first hit me it was over something stupid. But it was something that flamed Riku's fluctuating mood. Half the time he was my fun-loving boyfriend, who sat me on his lap and made me smile. While the other half, his eyes glinted yellow and his posture stiffened, preparing for another strike. That first time I had forgotten to pick up his favorite take-out dinner; one that I had waiting in line for forty five minutes just for him, and had supposedly ordered the wrong entrée. During waiting in line, he was outside waiting in the car; another thing he hated doing, waiting. When I climbed into the car, I knew he was angry. He'd been angry at me before, and I was used to it. But after he yelled at me for taking up his time before I explained as calmly as possible that there was simply too long a line, and that sorry, it was inevitable. He calmed himself down substantially after a few minutes. But after pulling into a deserted parking lot that looked over the ocean, one of our favorite spots to eat and make-out, he did the fatal action. He opened the brown paper bag a peered inside.

I knew the signs well. First, he would be still, staring into space, possibly either making a feeble attempt to calm himself, or figuring a way to blame me. In the beginning, I thought it was the first. However, clearly after that night I realized it was the latter. He then would flex his body, still and shaking. And the final, his eyes would metaphorically darken, or in his case lighten, to a yellowish hue. And then another step I added to my list of events that night. The impact.

Because that was when he first hit me.

I didn't quite absorb it at first. Surely, it had been an accident. He only lost his temper momentarily, and as he promised time after time after time, and I'm sorry, it would never happen again.

But it did, and on a regular basis. I was losing everything, my family, my friends, my life, and now finally, my boyfriend. I felt like he was the last one I could hold on to, so I did.

I began to wear long sleeved sweaters that tied easily into "autumn" and long pants to cover the bruises. But it took one night a few hours after school, in the span of twenty minutes, to put me over the edge. It had been another beating. A bad one. My wrist refused to work, my ribs ached like they hadn't ever before, and my head was spinning, both from the blows and from the dizziness of the cold in the shower.

That moment, when I raised the razor to my dysfunctional wrist, when the pain was overcome by the spiral pleasure, was marked into my mind. But not immediately at first. I found myself doing it often. I knew it was bad. I knew it was not healthy, even as I carved his name into my limbs. But after a long day of beating, limping my way home, it seemed the only manageable escape. After a while, it was not only escape from the pain. It became a necessary evil, even on good days.

It took an accidental slip, fall, and some stitches from a community hospital nurse to see my self-inflicted scars. Soon, I was sent away. I received a restraining order against Riku, who was sent to serve time, and I arrived at the Center. The whole process, court, tears, and legal arrangements, was a huge blur. It seemed like a dream, and surely, oh surely, I would wake up to my old loving boyfriend again.

But I never did.

* * *

As I told him this, Sora just nodded absently, never looking into my eyes. I wondered what he was thinking, and how those little switches and gears in his head were interpreting this. When I finished my story with a soar throat and an exhausting head-ache, we sat on my bed for a long while, just absorbing the silence.

Eventually though, he did one last nod as Naminé walked in, flashed me a toothy smile and left my room without a word. I remember I just sighed, hoping that everything would be okay.

Now though, I had a clean slate. I had told my story twice already, the second unwillingly, but necessary for Yuna. Even Naminé had a general idea now. Apparently she had been listing at the door during most of my conversation, and ended up telling me immediately. That was one of the things I liked about Naminé; there was no bull shit. She told you the truth whether you liked it or not. But what I appreciated more was how she didn't show any signs of pity. Just a squeeze of the shoulder, and talking out loud so that I didn't have to feel like I needed to join in her scattered thoughts.

So as I walked out of Health Class and toward lunch, I was actually looking forward to it; a first in all my stay in the Center.

I quickly grabbed my lunch in the line with Sora, threw my notebook on the picnic table-like lunch area, and sat my self down with my cold pasta and tangy orange juice. Slowly everyone started to join into the table with an equally happy expression. I raised my eyebrows at the change of enthusiasm. I mean, they were eating very quickly, as if they were in a rush. Had I missed something? Perhaps I was very zoned out in breakfast that day.

Casual but hurried conversation ringing throughout our table. However, I just zoned out again, too absorbed in my somewhat buoyant thoughts that to focus on theirs.

A while later, I looked at the clock and found that there were about five minutes left of lunch, and then I could go sleep in my bed for an hour. But just as I was about to pick up my half-eaten tray of food to throw it away, something caught my attention in Aerith's conversation. She said something like, "I can't wait until he comes, I haven't seen him since the last time." However, I wasn't sure. So without thinking, I immediately asked the question, as if the will of the world _really_ wanted me to ask.

"Huh?" I said directed toward her, however that did not refrain from the whole table to look up at me holding my tray in mid walk. Still getting used to me actually saying a few words, they all didn't break their gaze. I tried very hard to ignore them.

Aerith smiled politely and folded her hands gracefully on the table. "Well, I'm just excited to see my father again today. I haven' seen him since last Visiting Day."

Suddenly, like a rush of unwanted emotion, words, and feelings I realized what day it must be: Visiting Day.

I swallowed. "Oh, right." I said, my voice hoarse as I nodded a little too hard. Well, I realized as I threw away my trash and headed for the exit, I guess I won't get that nap.

During Visiting Day, all 'students' of the Center were asked to stay in the lobby area to await for their visitors.

Visiting Day only happened once a month, done so infrequently only so that students can focus on getting better and focusing on the program. A good 80 of these students actually received monthly visits. The next 10 got it occasionally.

I was that remaining 10.

The last time I had a visitor was my mother and father coming the first month of my arrival at the Center. It was a nice, long, awkward visit, considering I didn't talk then. I remember wondering, as the three of us sat in the lobby, looking everywhere but at each other, if they were embarrassed of me. Embarrassed that their second child screwed up and was shipped away, her story to be covered up, and never seen again. I didn't blame them.

I convinced myself to that specific day that that was the truth; the reason why they never visited me afterward.

So there I was, sitting between Roxas and Sora awkwardly. My awkwardness was not due to the fact of the talk I had with Sora (who continued to act normally as if not much had happened at all), nope, it was because I was very sure no one was coming to see me, and frankly, it's a little embarrassing.

Ironic how it seems that my parents are embarrassed by me, _because_ of me, therefore I am embarrassed that they do not come to visit due to _their _embarrassment. Well, I thought, my life hasn't exactly been normal the past few months anyway.

As I saw parents walk in one by one, children rushing to their life guardians in happiness, oh so relieved to see a familiar face again. I just frowned, all my earlier 'buoyancy' suddenly diminished.

Soon, Sora's mom arrived, and soon after did Roxas' (he's never admit it, but I saw the look on his face that read happiness).

I sat there, suddenly alone, abandoned by everyone and everything possible. What was I thinking anyway? My throat suddenly prickled and I visibly tensed, balling my navy hoodie. Suddenly I felt overwhelmingly pathetic; every visiting day I quietly wished for someone, anyone, to come visit me, even for just a few minutes. I often compared myself to a little girl, waiting by the door of her birthday party, flamboyantly decorated and all, for her guests to arrive. Waiting, waiting, waiting, never wanting to accept the fact that no one was going to help celebrate her eighth birthday. Instead of a crowd of people singing to her that night, she would realize after a while, it would only be her and a cake, with no one to share it with. But she continued to sit on the stool facing the door, hopeful to the end.

My eyes stung every time I thought about this. And they were now.

I quickly wiped away any sign of moisture in my eyes with the ends of my hoodie, which was balled together in my fists. But no matter how many times I wiped my eyes, sunk myself in the smelly, pleather couch, the pain would not be wiped away as easily as my tears.

I soon stood up and made my way toward the nearby bathroom, where there were mothers checking their makeup, eyeing me carefully through the mirror as if I was some ruthless delinquent, ready to attack. I quickened my pace toward a far-away stall.

I sat on the toilet seat and just started to shake. I didn't really want to cry anymore, so I just sat there in a ball for god-knows-how-long, contemplating on what exact point in time I had turned so pathetic and useless.

After what seemed like a while, I walked out of the stall, ignoring the wary mothers, and walked up the sink. I washed my face with the icy-cold water and in looked at my dripping face in the mirror, unable to avoid the thought of the last few times I had looked in the mirror.

I attempted to straighten my hair with my fingers and make myself somewhat presentable for no apparent reason. Perhaps I just wanted to make it look like I was doing something. Satisfied that I looked borderline presentable, I strode outside, trying very hard no to slouch.

But as I turned the corner, scanning the thinning room for anyone from my Therapy Group to sit next to, I saw something completely different. Or rather someone.

He had his signature black leather jacket over some green shirt, with a pair of dark jeans to match. His shocking strawberry hair was as spiked and pointy as ever, revealing a pierced ear I had not seen before. He looked so odd walking in here alongside the normal, suburban parents that it was almost unnerving; anyone could have mistaken him for a student at the Center, or some ruthless, and also absurd, heroic gang member like you see in the movies.

But this wasn't the Cinema. I wasn't watching this from stadium seats, chewing on popcorn, comfortably knowing that this was all fictional and that something like this would never happen in my boring life.

No, this was my brother. This was Reno.

He was scanning the room, hands in the pocket of his jacket, being eyed curiously by almost everyone in the room. This happened very often, I remembered. There was just something about Reno that attracted everyone's attention. Whether it was between the leather jacket, pierced ear, or broadly genuine smile, I wasn't sure. Ever since we were young, everyone wanted to be his friend; laughing at his jokes merrily as if it were the funniest thing in the world, or listening to one of his outrageous stories that were probably not true, and were only told to "entertain the people".

Perhaps that was why whenever I was around him, being joined on his elaborate stories, adding in untrue details, I felt wanted, important. And I remember smiling every time when while in the middle of some car chase or smoothie explosion in the supermarket story, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder brotherly, showing everyone that he was proud to have me as a sister. Or at least that was what I had hoped.

It took a few moments for him to catch my eye. And when he did, it all hit me at once. My brother, _my_ brother, was visiting me. I felt like he was back from the dead. I hadn't seem him since he left for college. My brain froze over and suddenly I couldn't feel the tips of fingers.

He was here. He was really here.

The moment he opened his mouth, in a half smile as always, to mouth my name, I was already running toward him, smiling my largest in a long time.

I felt something overflow inside of me. Spilling out of my heart and into every vein, artery, pore, cell of my body. My head spun and suddenly my vision went cloudy. It was the most exhilarating feeling I had ever felt. It took me a while to realize that this was happiness.

It was only until I crashed myself into him, not even making him stumble, when I realized that tears were leaking through my eyes. I had said only a while ago that I didn't want to cry. But never would I have expected to cry of happiness, not now, or ever in my life.

And suddenl, I was flying.

Both physically and metaphorically. The first was because he had picked me up and spun me around, just like he always used to, and the latter because my body felt as light as a feather and buoyant enough for my to soar. I never knew until then how strong the feeling of happiness was. I never knew how strong of an emotion it could be. Strong enough to make me cry.

He was squeezing me now, so hard in fact, that I even returned the favor. I could hear him laughing in my ear, his strength never wavering. Hearing this left me to do the same. Although I'm sure it sounded like sobbing to most, I knew he understood my feelings right now; my overflowing happiness had to have meshed into his own.

"Reno." I murmured into his chest, smiling so much my cheeks hurt. I looked up into his beaming face and I couldn't help but smile wider.

He finally let go of my embrace, however I refused to let go of his arm, as he said, "Damn Kairi, you've changed." I wondered in which way he meant it by. I sincerely hoped he meant for the better, all I really wanted to do at the moment was to make him proud.

I smiled. "What's with the piercing?"

He put on the goofy grin I had grown up with, surprising myself on how much I missed it. "Oh, I don't know. Just an experiment."

"For what?"

"The ladies."

Normally I would have frowned at his comments, but somehow I found myself laughing. But, my smile slipped away from my face as I realized we were still in the lobby, in view of almost everyone. With that, I pulled him along toward my favorite spot outside toward the swing set.

Bundled up and warm as we walked down the familiar path, I couldn't refrain myself from sticking close to him. My smile had yet to dwindle from my face, and I didn't intend for it to leave anytime soon. Who would have know that I, of all people, ended up crying in happiness at the sight of a family member? But first of all, say what you will, the feeling of that dense happiness knocks the wind out of you. It's not something you plan. And second of all, this was not _some family member_. This was my brother. My longtime companion. My true best friend.

"So how do you like it here, Kairi?" Reno asked, staring up at the sky, and turning to me, smiling. I shrugged.

"I would think as much." he responded. We were coming up on the swing set now, and for the first time, the area had a different vibe. Perhaps it was because of my brother. He always had a talent in making even the worst seem fine and dandy. As I looked up at my brother, my heart filled with so much emotion that I legitimately burst with pride. I wasn't exactly sure why though. Proud that he was brave enough to visit me? Proud that he still cared? I couldn't decide which, but all I knew was there was a bond of love.

He swallowed. "Is it…helping you?" Reno asked with a tight voice. On hearing these words my throat went dry. Never had I heard it addressed this way before. And hearing it from my brother just felt odd. It took me a moment to collect my answer.

"Yeah, yeah. It really is." I made a small smile in his direction. Our eyes met, and I could see the concrete sureness behind them, as if he knew it was going to be okay. We reached the swings now, and we both took a seat on the remaining functioning seats. There was a long, comfortable silence that followed.

For the first time today, and possibly ever, I looked around me. And suddenly, sitting on the frosted black swing, the world momentarily opened up to me. No longer did I just see the white pasture of snow that marked the confines of hell. No longer could I see the the dying, gray trees in the horizon. No. Suddenly, I would see far beyond.

Somewhere far away, perhaps. I could see Destiny Islands, still warm and sandy, and my old friends waiting for me back home, ready to welcome me back into their arms. I could see my parents, smiling for what seemed the first time in a while. My brother was there too, telling a story to anyone who would listen, probably about some crazy adventure he had driving up here to visit me. And then I saw Sora, sitting on a bench, giving me a half smile with a twinkle in his eye.

They were all the people I cared about. And they were all out there, somewhere, far past these thawing lands and troubled times to a warm place that beckoned me closer. The future. I felt light and flushed with warmth. But it must have all been in my imagination, because when I opened my eyes, the sun was finally out from hiding, like so many other aspects of life that were starting to show; glimmering, sparkling.

Spring was here.

**IMPORTANT. next chapter will be the last! wow, coming to a close, finally, huh? well, after the next one, there will be a small epilogue. get exciteddd.**

** -REVIEW. PLEASE. LIKE REALLY.**


	8. Chapter 8:: the end

**So this is it. The end. And honestly, its bittersweet. I'm sad that my Kairi's adventure is over; that there is nothing more to write. I'm relatively happy because i finally finished a story. :] And I'm lucky enough to say that I am satisfied. I am also so thankful for ALL of the reviews. I never dreamed i would get so many. And also, i really hope you guys, the readers, learn from this story. There are so many obstacles in life, and sometime, it seems like there is no way through. Like you're drowning, and there's no one to save you. Now, you may not have a Sora like Kairi does in this story, but there is ALWAYS a way out. It is the god-honest truth. It just takes time, love, and faith. And if you have neither of those at the moment, you will. I promise that.**

**Now onto a lighter topic, I know a lot of you are sad that this is over so quickly, but really, what is there more to write? That Riku magically shows up and challenges Sora for Kairi's love? BITCH PLEASE. Riku only represents the past in this story. Perhaps I will do a Riku-based oneshot soon to make up for it? Well, keep your eyes peeled and add me to your AUTHOR ALERTS if you must!**

**So thank you SO MUCH for everything. Without your support, i am 100% this story would never have met its ending.**

**This chapter you guys will both love and hate. ( it is also the longest chapter in the history of EVER. I hope your proud of me. ) Ohhh we shall see.**

REWRITE/EDITED

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-Where Tear Drops Fall-

- 8 -

-THE FINAL CHAPTER-

* * *

Selphie was back full time, and she was better than ever.

We were all glad to have her back at our table, even Axel kept his mouth shut for a while. She told us stories of the nurses and drama about the girl next to her in the emergency ward. She said she was able to hear every ounce of gossip that anyone said, and that she had some juicy stuff. We laughed at some of the ridiculous rumors that probably weren't even true, and for the first time in a long time, lunch was enjoyable.

That day I discovered I had been bumped up a few behavior levels, the chart that basically determined your amount of freedom at the Center. It was sort of like a reward system that gave you certain freedoms and responsibilities if you are doing well in your treatment. And so I was asked to run an errand for Yuna, my first one too, and she chose something out of the blue that really didn't matter, but I suppose she did it just so I would feel good. It was something stupid and trivial, something easily overlooked. But those are the things that often go wrong, I suppose. And things did go wrong, very quickly.

I was supposed to return a dinner plate to the kitchen, a place I've never had access to before, one that she had apparently borrowed the night before. So I went, walking easily through the hallways, not worrying particularly about how close I was to the dull yellow wall, or how many "happy posters" were on the perched up today. Just normal. Something I also hadn't felt in a while.

I reached the large two metal swigging doors to the kitchen. It was after lunch, and there usually wasn't anyone there. So not worrying if anyone was going to ask questions, which would have resulted in me having to tell them what level status I'm on, I marched on through.

The kitchen was much different from what I expected. I always thought it would be dirty and gross, reeking of last night's taco left-over. But most of it was stainless steal and sleek; I was impressed. I traced my fingers along the soft metal absently as I looked for the dish washing stack.

I found it, but there was something next to it that caught me off guard.

A knife.

A knife. There was a knife in plain view, left there, the person probably paying no heed to the fact that there were sick teenagers living here, trying to overcome their problems. Kids trying to resist their temptations. Just trying to get by. Someone like me. But there it was, beckoning me, with no one around as a witness. Suddenly, I forgot the dish, and I dropped it with a loud clatter that I barely even heard and just stared. My mind was a war zone, fighting and jostling common sense and sheer pining in one huge mosh pit. I was confused, I was disoriented; and I knew what I wanted.

I grabbed the knife, mind blank, in unnecessary haste and held it in my hand. It was silver with a smooth black grip. It wasn't too big, wasn't too small. Just right.

I hesitated for a long while.

I could hear my mind screamed, wailing, crying, knowing what would come out of this, knowing I would just spiral all the way down again. But my hands moved faster than my mind, and suddenly I was clutching it and pulling back my sweatshirt sleeve. My mind was a mess, and my body was shaking, trying to fight perhaps, but I wouldn't let go of the weapon.

As I let it hover over my pale skin, which I was just realizing how fragile and thin it actually was, old feelings quickly returned in a huge rush that nearly knocked the air out of me. My heart started to speed up, just how it used to, my mind hazed out, and my skin tingled, beckoning, wanting…

What was I doing? I knew this would not end well, I knew the consequences. Hell, I've _lived_ the consequences. But still my arms did not move, my muscles locked. Things were going way too fast. Way to fast for my health. Literally just seconds ago I was perfectly fine, under an oath, an oath that may be broken any second. Way too fast. Because, suddenly, time was against me. Just like so many other things.

And suddenly my mind went quiet, because the metal came in contact with skin.

I waited for it - the rush, the feeling of falling upside down, energy pooling out of my skin in ecstasy. The feeling I felt for the first time all those months ago in my cold shower, shivering, smiling. The feeling that also ostracized me, separating me from my friends. The one that resulted from Riku, making me inferior. Instead of pleasure, I felt weak. So weak and stupid easily bent into craving.

Then I felt something stronger. But it wasn't what I was expecting. Pain. Stinging, sizzling pain.

I opening my eyes, which I only noticed were closed then, and stared at my pink slashed arm, and seeing the one that was now forming to red. I saw the red liquid pool out of my skin in thick, scarlet droplets, and my stomach did a turn. I felt bile run up my throat and I suddenly felt sick. It hurt so badly…_why was it hurting so badly?_

I clutched my arm, eyes glued open, staring, never wavering. It hurt when I touched it, something that wasn't supposed to happen.

Something was wrong, something was very wrong.

I started to shake, scared. Where would I go? No one would accept me, no one would look at me. I would be known as the girl who snuck into the kitchen, just to relieve my crave. I would ruin my reputation, ruin what I have worked for. But I already did. It's all gone. I'm nothing, once again.

My eyes stung, and I wasn't sure if it was the pain anymore.

And suddenly I was running, running faster than I ever have before. Through the halls, down the stairs, tripping and sloppily hitting the wall in the process, then getting back up to run again. I probably should have ran to the nurse, come clean on my actions. I probably should have gone to Yuna, to have an emergency session. I could have even gone to my room, and dealt with my misery by myself. Actually, why didn't I just fall to the ground right then, and sink into the floor and disappear? No one would notice.

But I didn't. And suddenly I was in front of dorm room 12.

I rushed in, the door not being locked and all, and stood inside. Sora was on his bed, the only bed in the room, reading something I couldn't and didn't feel like making out. He jumped at the slam of the door and look up at me. I must have looked pretty bad, because he immediately stood up, eyes wide. A moment of silence passed, and we just stared at each other. I wondered if he could guess what was going on.

"Kairi, you-"

He wasn't able to finish, however, because I fell into him. He caught me, even when the weight of my fear and troubles wore on my shoulders, and held me there. I suddenly took notice to the fact that I was sobbing, shaking, sputtering. I would have felt horribly embarrassed if I didn't feel so warm at the moment. I could feel his heartbeat pulsing through his skin and thin, soft T-shirt, his even, low breathing…

And for a moment, I couldn't feel the stinging in my wrist, my heart, my soul, only the warm, odd, electrifying current that pulsed through us. It was quiet for a long moment, only my breath spasms and this speeding heart could be heard in the background. His body felt harder than I thought it would, and I was pleased to find, deep in the back of my head, that we fit perfectly together. Like a puzzle, but my side of the pieces were falling apart, and he was just starting to reach down to pick them up.

I wasn't really sure how long we stayed like that, for time wasn't real. From one second to the next everything changed, and now, everything was changing all over again. How much could I take in a day? Where was my limit? Was there even one? Or would I just keep sinking deeper, deeper, deeper…

I wasn't really sure.

Sora pulled away abruptly, touching the back of his neck, where my arm had been, and looked at it. The liquid on his hands were red, and for a moment, the room was still. I half expected him to throw me out of the room and just hand me into the nurse. But instead he grabbed my wrist and pulled back me sleeve. He sucked in a breath.

Sora probably disapproved of me. He was probably disappointed. He probably hated me. What was I to him? Just another Selphie, I thought. Someone who raised everyone's expectations, only to make them crash down in a thunderous roar. Wasn't it just a couple of weeks before I pledged myself to never be like Selphie Timlitt? I felt sick, I wanted to just disappear, and make everyone forget…this was a feeling I was well accustomed to. And so I did just that. I started to turn around, new tears springing in my eyes, to walk out of the door forever. Rejection was beating strong, and I was wondering why my mind was being so indecisive.

However, Sora held me back by my good wrist. I turned back and stared. I suddenly became aware that the room was dim with only Sora's bedtime table lamp on, and the quiet, peaceful ticking of his watch. I could hear the silence, too. But that didn't really matter, because the electric current that ran from his hand to his wrist just slipped down into my own hand…

I felt his fingers interlace with my limp ones without looking at them. My eyes were too occupied with his own; large, soft, and deep blue. An uneasy yet satisfying tingle ran up my spine and my stomach went from sick to blossoming. I continued to stare at his eyes, even when he dropped mine to look at our hands. He wrapped both hands around my own injured one, blood dripping to the floor. He subconsciously moved closer, and I still couldn't look away.

"You're hurt." he almost whispered, slowly lifting my hand to his lips and leaving them there, looking at me again. The pit of my stomach dropped at the feel of it, and I closed my eyes. He pulled my hands to his chest, along with my body, so that it was an odd, lovely embrace, with just our intertwined hands in between us. My throat went dry and I just nodded my head softly.

"You're better than that Kairi, I know you are."

New, softer tears leaked out of my closed eyes as I bit my lip against his chest. I wanted to stay there forever.

"I-I know…I…" my throat was raspy, dry. I looked up at him and he stared back, the ends of his locks of hair tickling my forehead. "I made a horrible mistake. I-I'm a horrible person, I-"

"You're not horrible, Kairi, and you know that. You are so, so much more than what you think you are. I've seen the changes in you, Kairi, everyone has. Whatever negative things you're thinking, they're not true. They're just not." he took a steadying breath, "You just…you need to let everything go, Kai. Just…let it go." he said softly, slowly, earnestly. I could feel his warm, moist breath of my face. I fluttered my eyelashes. "And once it's gone…all your problems can just melt away. Trust me," he said, looking deeply into my eyes, a small shift of his lips revealed a small smile, "…I know."

I continued to stare at him. For a moment, I was lost. The past? It still held these wounds on my hands, my heart. They couldn't just disappear. They were engraved in me forever. My problem would never go away. This cycle would only just continue, on and on and on until one day I just give up. Never…

I saw something shift in his eyes, and I thought of his problems, his past. He was fine now, even after all the things he had to go through. Alive, healthy. Did he really understand me? It was hard to imagine so, but somehow, someway, I believed it.

He put his forehead to mine. This was much closer than I could ever have dreamed, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take. "Let it go." he repeated in a whisper. My mind was going crazy, working faster than I ever realized was possible. I thought of Riku, my old friends, my family, Reno, and how Spring was finally here, thawing out the cold, and bring in new life. Square one. A clean slate.

Something shifted inside me. And suddenly, I was in a whirlwind. My insides were all a wave of splashing motion in my body. My pores opened, spilling out what has been there for way too long. The wind was so strong, I could start to feel goosebumps arising all over my body. My breath was caught in my throat, and all this wind was making it hard to see. The sound of the air around me sung swiftly through my ears; it was beautiful. Washing, spilling, and floating away with the last Winter breeze. I opened my eyes, only just realizing that they were shut, and blinked. The wind, the sound, the confusion…it was gone, along with the staggering weight that was once on my shoulders. It all peeled away. It was gone. I couldn't feel anymore blood dripping, had it sealed up my wounds too? I sucked in a breath, my first real breath. The beginning of my story just ended, and a whole new chapter was just forming. When I let my first breath out, after it had passed through my lungs, my blood, my heart, the last whisper of the regretful past blew through my lips. Riku wasn't there anymore. He was gone, just like everything else.

And this time I didn't need a blade to release the pain under my skin.

I stared up at him, a new feeling arising in my body.

"It's gone." I whispered. He pulled his hands away to frame my cheek. A smile spread across his face.

"I told you you. Wounds can heal if you let them." Sora gently brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and then let it rest again on my cheek.

I wasn't sure who started it, perhaps it was me, perhaps it was him, but suddenly my lips were on his. It was soft and incredibly warm, yet my body was simmering, pulsing electrifying heat through my veins. I involuntarily shivered as his lips continued to blend with mine. He pulled away and looked into my face.

"Living in the now isn't that bad." Sora smiled, his eyes blazing in a way I've never seen before. But I didn't respond, I just reached up and pulled him closer.

* * *

The month had slipped away very quickly.

Because suddenly, it was only two days before graduation. And that means I was going to stay here for one more month (Yuna broke the news to me the day after the incident, and no matter how relieved and happy I was, the guilt bled through), and Sora wasn't. He only came here as a last step to his recovery. I was happy for him. So, tremendously happy for him, but I couldn't help but feel selfish. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to go somewhere far away from me, far enough that I could no longer hold him in my arms.

And it was horrible, too, because what we had, whatever that may be, can only really last for two days longer. We barely had had a week together. It was frightening, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do about it.

However, I tried my best not to focus on the near future. I had to do what Sora said, live in the now. And so I was determined to do that, and Sora being part of every second of it. And that meant breaking a few rules along the way. I mean, first of all, there technically isn't supposed to be any relations with the opposite sex. Second of all, we were sneaking around a lot.

What we had, however, wasn't really some hormonal teenagerish fling where we simply couldn't get our hands off each other. We weren't that physical, really. Mostly during those intense and bad-ass sounding escapes, we wouldn't do very much at all. This was mostly because, even if there were limited days, we weren't in a need for a rush. What we did, sweet kisses and timid touches, just felt more natural than going the average hormonal teenage route.

Naminé, naturally, was very happy with this outcome. I never knew this about her before, but she relished from relationships. I realized she had an unhealthy obsession with it. She would always wink at me purposely and make me go bright red. Like right now, when we were all sitting at dinner and made a very obvious wink at me to the fact that Sora and I were sitting comfortably close to each other.

At least she didn't notice Sora was playing with my fingers underneath the table. Now _that_ would have been embarrassing.

I drifted off to the playground after dinner and sat on my normal swing and began to swing at a slow, swaying pace. I had been thinking, and thinking hard.

I was leaving in one month. That should have felt great (it _was_ a relief), but really, it only left me frustrated. Sora was leaving, and I was staying. I couldn't help but feel sad about that. I mean, I _was_ human. But it wasn't even that. I might never see him again. And that ripped me to the core. We had gotten so close…and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. Would I be able to face my old friends without him by my side? My parents? I wasn't quite sure. And even as good as life felt now, I couldn't help but feel smothered with this dilemma.

Life was moving fast, and I was just trying to keep up.

I wasn't sure how long it was until I heard soft, muffled footsteps coming up behind me. I knew who it was, and I smiled to myself. I felt the stir of the creaky swing as he took place in the one next to me.

"You looked like you could use some company." Sora smiled as I looked sideways at him. I returned the gesture and then stared ahead into the snowy wasteland that was becoming less and less snowy and wasted each day.

"What're you thinking about?"

I turned to look at him in his navy sweatshirt, dark jeans, and old sneakers. I suddenly felt warmth, and it wasn't only his presence. It seemed that the clouds had broken for once and the low, afternoon sun spilled through, lighting the whole landscape into dazzling diamonds. The gloomy trees suddenly looked a little more vibrant, and the frozen pool of water not too far away was reflecting the light of the sun. I looked back at him, his hair was spiky and glistening in the new found sun. I never realized the natural honey-blonde highlights in his hair, and his eyes looked even more amazing than before.

A smile broke over his face as he said, "Your hair look really cool right now." I stared at him in confusion as I looked at my hair. It was left down, and reasonably tidy. He was right; it was redder than I had seen it in a long time.

I took one more look around at the sparkling atmosphere around me. I could barely recognize it; it was so magnificent, I had to shield my eyes from the almost setting sun in front of me. I guess a little bit of light went a long way.

Sora looked out to the horizon again, eyes squinting from the brightness. I marveled at his features, suddenly so crystal clear to me that I was dazzled. He might as well have been sparkling like the snow. A soft smile spread on his face.

"You never answered my question." he said, turning back to look at me.

I made a small laugh. "Um, just about what's going to happen in a little more than twenty four hours."

It got quiet after that, he was shuffling the snow beneath his sneaker as he sat there.

"Kai, I-" he stopped and look up at the sky. I waited. He looked frustrated, and then he turned to look at me, letting the full force of his bright eyes boar into mine.

He started again. "Kairi," he began hard, sincerely, "I don't want to be away from you." I just stared at him for a while, my face softening, barely even believing he was saying this to me.

"I don't want that either, Sora."

We both looked down at the ground. "Do you remember that first day that I came, in group therapy?" Sora asked quietly. Of course I remembered. What kind of question was that? Still, I nodded.

"Well, I said that Riku moved away to Destiny Islands. Do you remember what I said after that?" Once again, yes I did. What he had said was always whispering in the back of my head. However, I was too scared to believe it. Perhaps I would jinx it, and then I would never see Sora again.

I took a breath. "Yes, yes I do." He nodded, looking at me with an exasperated look on his face.

"Well right now that's a fifty-fifty chance. Me moving to Destiny Islands, I mean. I don't know if you remember, but Riku's dad and my dad work for the same corporation and we are often sent to the same places." He swallowed, "Well I talked to my dad yesterday and he asked me on my opinion on where I wanted to go. Apparently he had another job offer over in Agrabah, so he's not sure."

It was silent for a few moments. I made a small sigh, I was sort of expecting this. Still, my legs felt numb from this news. I wanted him to come straight to Destiny Islands, straight to me.

"I told him I wanted to go to Destiny Islands." he said, staring at me seriously, a long, silent moment passed, "I want to be with you, Kairi."

A sad smile crept up on my face. "You shouldn't be making these kind of decisions based on me." The sun began to set, the winter wonderland starting to get darker.

"Well, I'd rather have you in Destiny Islands than no one in Agrabah." Sora laughed lightly, then continued, "And anyway it may never even matter in the end…"

Silence passed between us, with only the creaking of the swings and the light sound of early night's breeze.

"It's getting dark out, we should leave soon." Sora muttered, and then turned to me, his eyes serious and intoxicating. His next question threw me off.

"You ready?"

I couldn't help but feel the weight of his question, and the real meaning behind them. Was I ready? I looked into his eyes for long moment, and then smiled.

"Yeah."

My mind was quiet as he took my hand, walking toward the main building. I wasn't sure what to think about what was to come. All I knew was that I wanted Sora, forever.

* * *

It was the night before graduation and saying goodbye.

I was unnaturally fidgety at dinner that night, and Sora kept giving me odd looks, scared that I might combust. However, I soon became distracted, because everyone was trying to guess what the movie was going to be that night.

Oh, right. End of month movie night. Lovely.

Of course we reviewed every Disney movie created it, ranking them, and hoping for a select few. But when we sat down in all the seats of the cafeteria later that night, me sitting next to Sora again (willingly this time), the movie took us all by confusion.

I blinked. It was _The Notebook_. Again.

Were they _trying_ to torment us? I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. Sora, however, burst out into a fit of laughter. _I_ couldn't see what was so funny. I mean, we had only seen the film a _month_ ago, and I couldn't help but remember how uncomfortable that one was. I couldn't imagine how this one was going to be.

"Oh sweet jesus…" I heard a low mutter to my left. I jumped, not realizing Roxas was sitting there. I blinked hard as he looked up at me, his face in his hands, eyebrows raised at me. He smirked. "Calm yourself, Kairi, you're looking a little anxious."

Anxious? Me?…Fuck. I crossed my arms and looked straight ahead, deliberately ignoring Roxas. He chucked beside me and nudged me on my side. I rolled my eyes.

I looked around the room as the beginning credits started to roll, realizing how much of a déjà vu this was. There was Sora next to me, wearing something very similar to what he was wearing the first time: instead of a Hanes white shirt, it was just well-fitted dark blue shirt and most likely the same plaid pajama pants. I was sitting next to Roxas too, with Aerith on his other side. I could hear Selphie and Naminé talking excitedly in hushed tones somewhere to my right. I could see all the girls clinging onto the boys beside them like before as well.

Weird, I thought.

I felt like I was going through this whole thing over again, like there was some sort of glitch in space and time, linking these two moments together as one. I furrowed my eyebrows. What was I like this time a month ago? An empty shell, a mute? It was hard to believe that that was the same girl as I was now. I didn't think I _looked_ much different. Sure, I had a little more redness in my cheeks and my lighter hair was cooperating, but I was still different. I couldn't really put my finger on it. I was the same physically, I knew that.

The movie began, but I was detached, my mind contemplating in the world of truth and lies, unlike a month before when I felt so constricted. I breathed in and out. Air was going in easier, why was that? I reached my hand up to my chest, feeling it rise and fall underneath my T-shirt.

No, my lungs were the same too.

I looked at my hands. I had hidden those before, away from view, somewhere in the depths of my pockets. Yet here they were, polished and clean thanks to Naminé's manicure last night.

No, my hands were the same as well.

I felt so confused. That was the same girl, but not really. How does that work?

I slyly turned my head, allowing my hands to lie on my lap, and looked up at Sora. He was the same boy, wasn't he? Had he changed as much as I felt I have? He felt my stare and he smiled down at me. I felt his hand slide onto my lap, allowing me to feel the heat of his path and feeling very conscious of where it was, and held me own. I made a weak smile up at him.

Sora was the same. I wasn't.

Only as his eyes began to smother mine did I realize. All the things that changed, all the things that were different, were within me. I _felt_ different. So no, my hair wasn't brighter, its just that it was finally seeing the sunshine of life. And my cheeks? They haven't changed, they were just finally feeling the colors of life again. My lungs? They weren't constricted anymore. They were always there, but they were finally letting the air in, letting life in, unafraid. And my hands certainly were there before, but now they were taking matters into themselves, facing things they never had before. Even my words. God knows I didn't use them for months. Yet suddenly, I found my voice again, almost like it had never been gone in the first place.

However, I felt it wasn't only these physical traits that had changed. It was my heart, that was what had changed the most. Not my anatomical heart; that was always there (god knows I could feel it). Perhaps it didn't beat as fast as it does now, but that was still a physically change.

No, it was my soul. The soul within my heart, willing it to pump, willing to finally let me live. My life was changing, I could feel it happening. It was an odd thing, the present, especially when you knew that the future was suddenly in clear view, lit up in a clear path, and changing quickly. All this déjà vu wasn't a coincidence, it was signifying a new start. I could make my life up as I went now.

So I smiled, looking up at the boy that surely changed my soul, and wondering if I had changed his. He smiled back, lacing his hands with mine and held them tighter. He could not only hold my hands, he could hold my heart as well for as long as he wanted.

Realizing this, I looked back to the screen, untroubled as I saw Noah and Allie passionately kiss, and latched onto Sora's arm, ready to hold on until the end.

* * *

The day had come.

It was hard to believe that this month, a month so full of changes, both good and bad, was coming to a close. Most were leaving, but I was staying behind.

We had one final group therapy that morning. So, directly after breakfast we went into the oddly-proportioned room and took our seats. It was quiet for a while, everyone still, no one wanting to talk. I slumped in my chair, putting my hands in my sweatshirt pocket. No one had ever been like this before on final therapy group. Usually, most people didn't give a rats-ass. But there was a distinct mood today, one that I could not grasp immediately. But there was something there.

Perhaps it was because we had finally become a group; friends. And we weren't ready to say goodbye.

I bit my lip, looking to the floor. This was going to be a hard day. I felt a hand sneakily snake its way into my jacket pocket and grab my own, taking it out of its shelter, and held it between our legs, almost out of sight. I felt the warm hand lace with mine, making my mind numb over in contentment. I looked up to my left at Sora only to see that he was looking at me, a small, sad smile at his lips. I returned it, than gave his hand a small squeeze before I directed my attention to Yuna, who was uncharacteristically quiet.

I looked around the room. It seemed like everyone was doing the same, not meeting anyone's eyes. The silence was so strong, it pressed into my ears. It wasnt uncomfortable, in an odd way, just…loud.

Yuna made a small smile toward the floor, and then looked up, her eyes warm and sincere.

"It looks like my job here is done." she said softly, looking at each and every one of us slowly. When her eyes connected with mine, I felt a small jolt. I wouldn't call it joy. But when our eyes met it was like relief, as if I had just finally made my way out of a maze, lost for so long with no direction home. Her gaze made me feel like I was out in the clear. I was on the other side. And it felt bittersweet.

The silence continued, but this time all eyes were on Yuna. I made another swift look around. Naminé was shaking slightly, silent tears slipping down her face. Tifa was on her other side, looking at her, however not in a hostile way. It was sympathetic, something I never thought would cross her eyes.

Axel had his arms crossed, trying to look blasé. But he was fidgeting in his seat, chin quivering. Roxas and Aerith were downcast like the others. But as I looked closer, I realized that their hands were clasped together as well, much like Sora and I. Selphie sat in her seat, her legs propped up with her arms wrapped around them. I felt a pang in my heart as I realized she was remorseful for not being able to graduate this month. She knew that she was wrong through, which was a large step. Now we would graduate together. It didn't seem so bad anymore.

Yuna then opened her mouth to speak, faltered, then started again, "Two people are leaving us today." Silence. "Sora, Roxas… you have really made us proud."

I could feel my throat tighten and eyes burn as she said this. The two people I was closest to were leaving. And I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I grasped Sora's hand tighter.

Yuna made a small smile, "You all have come a long way. And now, its time to move on."

* * *

We were all outside now.

All the people who were to graduate stayed inside while everyone else grouped outside by a small, wooden gazebo where a bell was, waiting for them to come out. The owner of the place made a small speech, congratulating the graduates and supporting the rest of us. She then began to call names.

I could feel Aerith next to me, and I looked up at her. Her large green eyes were sad, but with a strength that I could not comprehend. It was must have been reassurance. Reassurance that there was hope, that she was going to see Roxas outside of these walls. I envied her. As feeble and weak as she appeared, she was able to hold her head strong. I found myself not hesitating to take her hand in mine. She blinked and looked down at me. A soft, almost motherly smile played at her rosy lips.

"We'll see our boys soon enough, Kairi. You just have to have a little faith." she said, holding her gaze to mine. Faith? Yes, I had faith. It was a new feeling, it had disappeared for a while, but it was there now. I smiled back, and then looked toward the gazebo as they called Sora's name.

I felt an odd sensation as he walked up there, smile plastered on his face as he rang the bell in victory, and then hugged Yuna in thanks. I realized it must be pride. He made it through, his journey has ended. And there I was, on the last lap, not quite in last place, but not in the higher ranks. But I was gaining, getting closer to the finish line, to the end, one step at a time. I watched Sora trot down toward the parking lot where we were supposed to say our goodbyes. Yes, I felt proud, _so_ proud of him.

After the last person rang the bell, we all made our way toward the parking lot. I took my time, scared of what I was about to face. I thought about running, about turning my back and burying myself under my covers like I had done so many times before. But my legs kept moving forward, fighting my way through the sea of uncertainty.

I finally saw him, our eyes meeting at the same time. We stayed like that for a while, people jostling on by between us, just staring at each other. It wasn't long until I sprinted toward him, landing in his open arms. I held on tightly, scared that someone was going to rip him away into the bus, leaving me unable to do anything about it. But here he was.

He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were calm, sure. Was I the only one worried about the future?

"Kairi." he said, a small smile on his lips. My heart was wrenching, twisting, suffocating. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. His fingertips caressed my cheekbones, leaving blazing trails behind them. "Don't be sad." I shook my head underneath his hands and he chuckled.

"We'll see each other soon." he said. It was almost over, I could feel our conversation coming to a close. My stomach dropped low, my lungs constricted, making it hard to breath again. The buses beeped, snapping our attention away for a moment. I felt someone come up next to me. I pulled myself away from Sora for a moment to see Roxas, his hand clasping Aerith's from behind, but he was looking at me, his eyes pained. He leaned down and left a small kiss on my cheek and whispered into my ear, "Take care of her."

Roxas pulled away and I looked up at him. I barely registered my decision to hug him before I actually did it, and soon, my arms were around his neck, clutching tightly. He laughed in a choked voice and hugged me back quickly before pulling away.

He half smiled, his eyes wet, "We'll keep in touch, Kai. Really, I swear." I nodded at him, the moment ending too soon as he turned back around to Aerith, whispered something to her and then kissed her softly on the lips. My heart made another pang. After all the things we've been through, he was the first to really stand by me the whole way. I was going to miss him so much.

Sora turned me back around to him. I felt his thumb wipe away a tear that silently escaped my eye's grasp, and smiled.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Kairi." he said, holding my face in both his hands again, searching my face.

"I am too." I choked out. I bit my lip . "You know what funny?" I said after a moment, in a tone that made it sound like I didn't find it humorous at all. He only looked back at me, waiting.

"When I was in Destiny Islands I thought I wanted a change in weather, a winter for once. But now, all I want is warmth." I said, reached my hands up to his own, lacing them, so that both of us held my head up high.

He smiled, "Opinions change."

"Apparently." I breathed. The bus beeped impatiently again. He bit his lip in frustration.

"Kairi, I know its going to be hard, but I will see you again." his eyes were blazing, searing with intensity, "We're part of each other now; I'm always with you. Okay? No matter what happens, I'm always there." the bus beeped again, and he looked up at the bus, and then back at me. His eyes were serious, "I'll come back to you, I promise."

He leaned down and left a hard, burning kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes, savoring it, because I wouldn't get anything else for a long time. I opened them again and looked into his eyes. I took his hand away from around my face and brought them to my lips and said, "I know," I swallowed, "I _know_ you will."

The bus made a long, last beep. This was going too fast. Shouldn't I get more time? Sora's eye's were pained now, but he pulled away from me, slung his bag around his shoulder, and ran up the stairs of the bus. I stood there, missing his warmth already, and watched him as the bus lurched into motion. I saw him push a kid over so he could reach the window. I would have laughed at that moment if it wasn't for the silent tears running down my face and seriousness of the situation. He stuck his head out and yelled something to me. However, I couldn't hear him over the roar of the bus' engine and the sound of its final beep.

I wasn't one-hundred percent sure about the future. But I had faith. And one would be surprised on how far that can take you. I should know.

I didn't move, I didn't breath as I watched the bus pull out of the parking lot, down the road, his face still a ghost on the window. It drove on and on and on until it was just a speck, a spot…gone. And as it was swallowed by the gray and white, a mass of light sprang from behind the clouds, sparkling, free, finally ready to take flight.

**the end.**

**-epilogue coming soon, a present from me to you.-**

**i mean, its the holidays, isn't it?**


	9. XXChapter 9: EPILOGUE

REWRITE/EDITED

* * *

-Where Tear Drops Fall-

-9-

-EPILOGUE-

* * *

My stay at Destiny Rehabilitation for Troubled Boys and Girls was finally over.

When I look back at my time there, I no longer see it as a jail like I once did. I see it as not something that held me back, but something that gave me a firm enough nudge to finally let me spread my wings and fly. It was an odd feeling, really, thinking of the girl all those months ago who walked into the Center, refusing to talk, refusing to cooperate, and realizing that that girl was me. Even when I look at myself from merely a month ago, the time when I said my goodbye's to Sora and Roxas, I was different.

I bit my lip, a small smile playing at my lips as I looked out the windows of the bus, ocean scenery passing me by. Honestly, I was now happy I stayed that extra month at the Center. I felt light, like nothing was left of my shoulders anymore. I felt stronger, rejuvenated too; a new person. I felt simpler, cleaner.

I wondered absently if my family would recognize me when I stepped out of the bus in the mass of people, or if their eyes would pass right by me, not knowing it was me. I couldn't blame them if that were the case. I was only beginning to realize how much of a mess I actually used to be. Now, I was cleaned up (much thanks to Naminé, and more importantly, to Sora, someone who actually bothered to mend my body and soul) and just _normal _looking.

I was wearing light jeans, the pair that used to be my favorite and completely forgot about during my stay at the Center, sandals, and a violet, thin T-shirt, something I hadn't worn for months. I stopped hiding my arms around the end of the month, thanks to much goading on Yuna and Naminé's part, and thus was now wearing short sleeved tops. My scars were still there, however fainter than ever, so faint that it blended into my arm hairs, giving it an odd, but not too striking, texture on my arm.

Starting the first day of the month, I had started putting on Neosporin and other creams that decreased scarring two times a day. Better late then never, right?

My hair was lighter than ever and free of split ends much thanks to, again, Naminé. My face was clear and clean; no oiliness, no stray eyebrow hairs, and no dark circles. You could say Naminé made a project out of me. I had been unwilling at first, however I realized it was inevitable, considering that I knew she would go as far as cut my hair as I slept if I gave her the chance, so I gave in. And I _was_ sort of glad I did. It was all about confidence, I realized, and I was gaining it little by little. I was far from outgoing, however I was also far and way past being mute. So I was making slow, steady progress, I suppose. I wasn't in a hurry though, I had a whole life ahead of me to learn.

I shifted in my seat, clutching my sweatshirt close to my lap and played with the frayed edges. The bus was driving along a long bridge that connected the mainland to the main Destiny Island. I watched as the ocean, deeper and bluer than I could ever remember, passed me by. I didn't feel hesitant or dreading as I watched it. These were feeling I felt long ago. I welcomed it now, breathed it. I had no idea home would have this kind of effect on me.

A woman and her two young kids were now walking down the isle of the bus. I probably would have felt unnecessarily nervous if this occurring a few months ago, worried about my scars or is she would glare at me, as if she would have known what I was, what I had done. No, now I just took a passing glance, noticing that she and her kids' faces did not linger on my arms. Instead, they just took a glance at my face like any other human being. I smiled.

I was still trying to get used to the outdoors and new, strange people. It was an odd transition. I wondered if I would ever get used to it. Naw, I probably would. It would just be a minor change, small enough that it would just slip my mind when I would wake up one morning, knowing exactly where I am, the thought never passing my mind to why I wasn't waking up to a dull white ceiling and gray sheets and blankets. Things would change for the better, much like how alot of things were turning out lately.

However even as I tried to busy myself with these thoughts I couldn't suppress the nerves that nibbled at my stomach. I was about to face a world I'd been running away from for months…whas I really ready now? What would my parents feel when they looked me in the eye for the first time in months? Doubt? Hesitance? Relief? I wasn't quite sure, however I was about to find out, considering the bus was coming to a stop, the ocean gone and sidewalks and small stores taking its place.

I took a shaky breath and gathered what little stuff I had. I felt a pang in thinking that I wish I had Sora with me, staying close to me as I faced my past. The last time I'd seen him was on Visiting Day (which felt way too long ago in my opinion) with a soft, tiny smile and news to tell me.

I was walking down the isle now, trying to keep in pace with the line of people who were all too eager to leave the stuffy bus. Before I reached the open doors I stopped and took a steadying breath. It tasted like salt and something homey that I couldn't quite place; exactly how I remembered it. I could already feel the warmth of the air wrap its eager arms around my body, soothing me, beckoning. I realized it had been months since I had felt this warmth. I hadn't realized I missed it so much, even with the cold temperatures at the Center.

I finally found the will to take a step down on the pavement. For a moment I wasn't sure if even the concrete would be sturdy enough to hold me up, it had failed me before, all those months ago with Riku. But there it was, hard, sun bathed, and holding my weight. The corner of my mouth pulled up in the slightest.

I finally looked up, my eyes searching for three distinct people. I panicked for a moment when I couldn't find them immediately. Did they even come? Did they forget?

"Kairi!" a familiar voice yelled, calling my name. I whipped around to the direction of the voice. It took my eyes a moment to take in all the people, the hustle and bustle, but they finally focused on a tall guy with spiky hair, grinning proudly at me. I looked at the two people beside him. My mother, her hair a chestnut brown and her large, brown eyes wide with emotion, which even from the distance I could tell were watering up. She had both her hands to her mouth, but even as she did this, I could see a watery smile through the cracks of her fingers. To her left was my father, his dark red hair graying in some parts, with his right arm around my mother's waist. He was looking at me with an expression that I hadn't seen since before I met Riku. It was pride. Pride.

My father was proud of me.

I felt my walls dissolve, the countenance I was determined to keep strong crumbling under my very nose. My jaw went slack and I felt my lip tremble. There was a strong pulse of a happiness so great, it almost knocked me over. My eyes and throat were burning with a fire I never knew existed. I was suddenly shaking and I honestly didn't care if my oaths of strength I made all the way through the bus ride were now null and void, shattered at the very sight of the people I loved. And I certainly wasn't thinking this at the moment, I was too busy running.

"Mom! Dad! Reno!" I cried, my voice breaking as I sprinted my way toward them. I crashed into them, all three of them surround me, wrapping their arms around me, protecting me. I soon realized that I was crying, all of Naminé's hard work going to waste, and not too much longer after that they were crying as well.

Sometimes, you missed someone so much, you didn't even know it until they were in your line of sight, there. And in my unbiased opinion, this was the best kind of reunion. It was funny how I didn't even realize it either. But the past didn't matter now, because all I knew was that they were there, ready, and I wasn't going to disappoint them ever again.

* * *

I walked into my room.

The air was too hot and stale, like it hadn't been inhabited for years. Which was almost right. I never used to use it too much, anyway. The walls were still a dull pink, my bed a decorative white. It was oddly satisfying to walk in there. Like a lot of other things, I didn't think I would miss it so much.

I made my way over to the bed, running by fingers along the soft fabric. I dropped my stuff on the wooden floor (on a count of that it was too hot for rugs in Destiny Islands) with a mild _thud_ and sat on my bed. It was soft, so much softer than my bed back at the Center. I continued to trace the embroidered patterns on my bed. Was I ever going to get used to a life outside the Center? I had lived there for so long, it became such a normality for me to live like that; regulations, patrols, and snoopy attendants. Now I had freedom, and I really wasn't sure how to manage it.

There were old pictures on my walls, paintings, photos, collages. I felt like I was in the twilight zone; had it really been me who did all that? I could vaguely remember me cutting, cropping, and decorating a piece of paper and making scrapbooks just for the fun of it. Just like the good, thorough girl I was. Thinking this caught me off guard. The differences between me now, and me then had never been so raw. But then, I thought, maybe it wasn't so bad. I grew up, hadn't I?

I quietly lay down on my bed, my body molding in with my mattress just like it used to, like it was waiting for me, or like I was never gone at all.

* * *

"I'm going to go for a walk." I told my mom when I entered the kitchen. She was currently cutting some carrots, an apron wrapped around her waste, her hair tied up in a knot. This was how I remembered my mother. I was nice to see it in real life again.

I saw her put the knife down and use that hand to wipe away the perspiration off of her forehead, and then put her hands on her hips in a contemplative manner. "Sure, hun, just be back by 5:00; I'm going to need your help with this pot roast…" she said, staring at the numerous ingredients scattered across the kitchen in distress.

"Okay."

"But don't rush, hun. Enjoy it." she said, smiling, and then picking up the large knife again to resume her cooking.

"Thanks, mom." I said. She looked at me for a few seconds, almost as if wanting to say something more. I waited, but when she opened her mouth slightly to say something, she only shook her head and smiled, swatting me away to enjoy my walk. I bit my lip as I pulled the front door open and walked onto the sandy front porch, the sun blazing. A sudden breeze blew across my face, bathing me in the sweet scent of salt and ocean. I skipped down the stairs and started to walk on the pebbled road, fresh, beach grass growing alongside it as my front lawn. I walked on the dirt road toward the southern beach. I lived on the west end of Destiny Islands. It was known for having a more beachy feel than the rest of the island. Which was alright with me, I felt that it captured the essence of Destiny Islands more than the quaint town did to the north. I continued to walk down, a car or two passing as I tred along. I could have sworn that the people inside them had stared at me. But I didn't really blame them, everyone knew everyone here, and I'm sure I made talk when I disappeared for about five months.

I took a right off the dirt road along a sandy, wooden boardwalk that was faded to gray and had given me splinters all through childhood. But it was okay, they couldn't touch me now.

As I walked, the mass of crystal blue loomed close and closer, putting my memories of it to shame. It was even better than I remembered. It was wider, bluer, and the breeze that lifted off of its waters was saltier than before. The seagull's chirp was more melodic than I had originally thought, and the steady pattern of receding waves made a more of _wish-wish_ sound then I remembered. The sun beat strong on my back, already descending toward the horizon. I just stood there for a moment at the edge of the wooden platform, drinking it all in.

I smiled. I had been away from home for too long.

Suddenly, I felt a vibration in my pocket. I reached for my phone curiously; it had been ages since I'd received a text message. It was really weird knowing that there were other ways to communicate that talking. And even weirder for me to think that. But I couldn't help but let my face spread out in a wide grin when I read the message.

_You free yet? I was beginning to think you'd rotten in there._

_Roxas_

I shook my head, still smiling, and closed my phone. I would answer later, when I had the time. Right now, I had something to do.

I struggled to keep my hair at bay as I reached down to take my sandals off my feet, strands of red flying everywhere. The beach was quiet and empty except for the low whistle of the wind, the beating of the sun, and the song of seagulls. But I liked it like this, this was how it was supposed to be.

I walked across the warm sand, the soles of my feet sighing in content. I continued to struggle with my hair as I walked, feet warm above the grainy sand, also proving to be real challenge with its hills and creases. I finally reached the water. I hesitated before I let my feet feel the edge of the it, biting my lip. It felt amazing, it really did. My toes curled delicately at the feeling. It was just so warm.

I looked to my right, my hair finally blowing in the opposite direction, and saw a figure walking this way. The person's walk was slow with long, paced steps. He was wearing a long-sleeved button shown shirt that rippled in the wind and khaki shorts with bare feet. His hair was blowing against his face, but he didn't bother to fix it, his hands in his pockets.

And he was walking. He was walking toward me.

I smiled a timid smile, turning toward him, my hair whipping back behind my head. He was closer now, and I could see his face. Tanner than before, Sora stared steadily at me, his eyes an even greater contrast than before. He came to a stop in front of me, the ocean's tide crawling and creeping around our feet. I soaked in his face, hungry, because I hadn't seen it in so long. His hair was still spiky, perhaps lighter than before, whipping across his face in tandem with his white, cotton button down shirt.

He looked down at me, closer then before, with an expression I could not comprehend. He smiled, teeth blinding me, "No sweatshirt?'

My lips turned up as well, answering his question, "No sweatshirt."

I felt him run his hand down my bare arms, letting him feel my textured wounds. My legs and arms tingled in contentment, fighting a sigh from escaping my lips. He kept doing this, bringing them to his chest, eyes concentrating on my arms. He smiled again, finger tips tracing my most recent scar. I always knew he could make me feel good, warm, but never did I believe he could make my scars tingle, healing them as if they were never there.

"I like it better this way."

I nodded. I couldn't help but agree.

The wind continued to blow into my ears. His hair was tickling my forehead now, just like I remember it did before. I stared into his eyes, knowing that I would never have to look away again. He didn't live on my immediate island, but on the one adjacent to it, only ten minutes away. He wouldn't go to my school like I had hoped either, but things couldn't be perfect, could they? And anyways, I might just steal him everyone once in a while, forcing him to come to my school for a day. I knew for sure I would need him on my first day. Or perhaps I wouldn't, maybe it was finally my time for me to face my past ghosts alone. I had become strong enough, hadn't I? And he wouldn't be too far away.

But I couldn't think about these things now, not really. I was too focused on his eyes, and how it felt when he reached up his hand to hold my face, stroking it, and his other hand on the small of my back.

He smiled a large smile, as if he finally realized something. "So this is it, isn't? We're back now, forever." He was even closer now, eyes swimming with blue warmth; my favorite kind. But I just shook my head slighting under his touch, lips turned up on the edges.

I could still hear the seagulls chirp, the wind blowing, my past finally falling silent. And I kept telling myself that this is how its supposed to be. This is how its _going_ to be. The future was suddenly in view, spread so far ahead, I had to squint my eyes. But it was there, and I could finally take comfort in that. It was no longer a mystery, it was no longer a speculation, a hesitation. It was there, and it was coming fast.

"Not back, really. We're home. We're both finally home."

And he just smiled the way I loved, pulled me closer, and leaned down so that our lips met, so soft and tender, that the wind couldn't compete againt how this took my breath away.

My future_ was_ on its way, looming closer and closer with each step, with each breath. And now I knew that Sora would be apart of it, by my side until a whole new chapter began, and maybe even beyond that. I smiled in our kiss, a warmth I only felt with him intoxicating my body, diffusing through my veins. We would be together, and my past could no longer hold us back.

I could get used to that, I thought.

I could no longer feel the scars on my arms. They were finally gone, lifted off of my skin from the blow of the salty wind, just like everything else, just like the past that I left behind four months, fifteen days, and twelve hours ago; the end finally in sight.

**the [actual] end.**

**So its finally done; its over. Kairi lives on in good health, healed, with Sora by her side. It has been a real pleasureand learning experience on my part, and i hope the same for you.**

**I find it mildly ironic that I myself live on an island, where most of the story during her stay in the cold environment of the Center has been written on my computer there. However now, as she returns to her own island, where warmth is abound, I write this as I am in Colorodo, much like the weather in the earlier and middle part of my story. Perhaps its a sign. Perhaps not. But if some supernatural phenomenon occurs, I'll be sure to tell you guys. Ahaha.**

**I hope you, as readers, can appreciate the struggles that a lot of people go through, alowing you a chance to get in someone's head who is going through the same thing. Because one of the most important truths in life, in my opinion, is that _you never really know how someone else feels_. Think about it, it is one of the few things i am sure about. Sure, Kairi isnt real, but this gives you a taste; something which was my only goal in writing this. Like I've said before, I have not personally experienced this kind of situation, and although, like i also said just now, i may never know how someone like Kairi would actually feel, _I_ also learned. Sometimes the best way to learn is to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Which is exactly what I've been doing as i wrote this.**

**So with that note (and also the one i left at the top of the last chapter, which i want EVERYONE to read), i say goodbye. I'll see you in my next journey, whatever that may be.**

**Review please, its your last chance, after all.  
**


	10. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hey guys! sorry, no new chapter. (that wouldnt make much sense, would it?) but im here to inform you that i just edited this entire story; no more awkward sintax. no more grammatical errors. i hope. if there still is, then whatever. i've worked on this for a few days.

ANYWAYS, im literally just a COUPLE reviews away from the 200 mark, and now with this new edit, maybe throwing a quick review would brighten my day substantially? i worked hard to edit! REVIEW!

if you're looking for other stories of mine, check out my profile. i have a bunch of new oneshots and im working on my new story.

i would also like to finally thank all of you for you reviews and support, even after i finished it. THANKS SO MUCH, READERS! YOU'RE THE BEST!

ill be seeing you soon

_namilaa_


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